


Fallacies of Love

by firesign10



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, College, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 14:50:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7272565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesign10/pseuds/firesign10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared and Jensen are starting new lives together in Palo Alto, where Jared is beginning his freshman year at Stanford, and Jensen is opening his own personal security business. They knew life would be busy and complicated, but the reality is far more taxing than they anticipated. Internal conflict and outside stressors push their lives--and their relationship--to a point neither one saw coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2016 [spn_j2_bigbang](spn_j2_bigbang.livejournal.com). It is a sequel to [Guardian of My Heart](http://firesign10.livejournal.com/1352796.html) but can be read as a stand-alone story.
> 
> A thousand thanks to [wendy](wendy.livejournal.com) for once again running the crown jewel of the challenge season :-)
> 
> I was thrilled to be picked by [milly_gal](milly_gal.livejournal.com)!!! She's done several lovely pieces. I always feel very spoiled by her, and this time is no exception. Thank you so much, bb, LOVE YOU!!
> 
> This story would not have been completed without the support and prodding of [theatregirl7299](theatregirl7299.livejournal.com). I lost a month of writing time due to illness, and I thought I was not going to be able to write this in time. She persuaded me to give it a shot, and was my sounding board and cheerleader all the way through, then beta-ed it a well. Thank you, this would be here without you!

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93403/93403_original.png)

 

Jared walked into the bathroom with a yawn, scratching his face and frowning at himself in the large double mirror. He'd slept on a fold of sheet apparently, because a crease now ran down one cheek. His thick dark hair, just long enough to brush his collar, currently stuck out at all sorts of crazy angles and curls.

“Nice look,” Jensen said dryly, coming up behind him. “Going to settle that mess down before classes?”

Jared saw Jensen smirk at him in the mirror. Jensen's short brown hair was carefully styled to look casually spiky, his face was freshly shaved, and his pale blue button-down shirt looked perfectly pressed. Seized by a desire to rumple him up, Jared playfully jostled Jensen accidentally on purpose, laughing when Jensen slopped toothpaste onto the edge of the sink.

Jensen barked, “Jared! What the fuck?” His genuinely annoyed reaction was so different from the more customary wet towel smack that Jared had expected that he quickly sobered.

"Uh, sorry...just playing with you, Jen. Or, um, not, I guess." He saw the stern look still on Jensen's face and hastily grabbed a couple of tissues to clean the mess up. "I didn't mean to upset you. What's up?"

Jensen reapplied toothpaste to his toothbrush. "I'm meeting that guy today. The one I talked with about opening my personal security service. Showing up with toothpaste all over me is not the professional impression I was hoping for." He began brushing briskly.

Jared felt sheepish, both for clowning around and for forgetting Jensen's important meeting. Of course Jensen would be tense on a day like this. "I'm sorry, I should have remembered. Can I do anything to help you get ready?" He tried not to think about his 9:00 English class, deciding he could borrow the notes from someone else if he missed it.

Jared and Jensen had been in Palo Alto for a few months already; they'd moved there in mid-summer, after Jared's graduation from the prestigious private high school Sidwell Friends in Washington, D.C. As the son of the President, Jared's life had been a privileged and protected one. Moving out of the White House and into a California townhouse with his former-bodyguard now-boyfriend was a huge change. With President Padalecki still finishing his final term, a pair of Secret Service agents lived directly below Jared and Jensen, but Jared was eagerly anticipating their departure in February.

Once Jared had decided on which university he wanted to attend, Jensen had concentrated on finding them a place to live and getting them settled, so that Jared could focus on starting school. Stanford was a big change from Sidwell Friends; it boasted a sprawling campus, unlimited course options, and even higher academic standards. Jared had been a thorough and diligent student, but this was going to be a whole new ball game.

Living with Jensen was an even bigger change from Jared's previous White House life. Living with one's family was different from living with one's lover. Jared had had chores, even in the White House, but now he had to learn how to do laundry, pitch in with all manner of cleaning, and learn to adapt to another person's moods and personality. Jensen understood how much was new to Jared. With his patience and support--and a lot of great sex--Jared got comfortable in his new life, as well as being deliriously happy with his boyfriend.

Now that they were settled and Jared was established in school, Jensen turned his attention to setting up his business. Jared knew Jensen wanted to open a personal security business, using his experience as a Secret Service agent on the White House team that had watched over the First Family. He'd told Jared that he'd need someone to help with the business side while Jensen more heavily oversaw the security side, and that was the meeting this morning. Jensen had been talking with a potential partner, and today they were meeting at a local coffee shop for the first time.

And Jared had forgotten all about it, his mind busy with today's classes and last night's ride on Jensen's cock. He drifted a moment, still feeling the ache--a good ache, the ache only Jensen...

"Bathroom's yours," Jensen said as he left.

Jared sighed, his memory from last night popping like a soap bubble. He'd be glad when Jensen got this whole distracting partner-business thing nailed down. At least Jared wasn't going to miss his 9:00 class after all.

 

Jensen tapped on the table, idly drumming along to the music playing in the coffee shop. He caught himself after the cashier flicked a glance at him a couple of times; checking his watch instead, he saw it was still five minutes before the meeting time, so he had no right to be impatient. He was impatient anyway—he was eager to get this venture started. Jensen had been very busy when they first moved to California, what with checking out apartments, then arranging all the details of the move itself. He and Jared had toured the Stanford campus, and explored the neighborhood. They had found this coffee shop, Cool Beans, and quickly become regulars. Jared was particularly a fan of the delicious pastries and cappuccinos, while Jensen became addicted to the dark roast.

And now it was time for his dream to begin materializing.

Jensen looked up and saw a man approaching his booth. He was shorter than Jensen by a couple of inches, with jet black hair and startling blue eyes. Dressed in a dark suit, he still radiated a casual, relaxed air. The man gave a wide, easy smile while he put his hand out.

"Jensen Ackles? Misha Collins."

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

Jared sat on a stone retaining wall, waist-high above the verdant green lawn on one side and the sidewalk on the other, idly popping gummy bears into his mouth while he watched students walking around. He'd missed the 9:00 class after all; he'd waited too long to leave in case Jensen needed any help. He'd texted his friend Stephen to meet up so Jared could get the notes; he might be high on life right now, but he still took his schoolwork seriously. He was used to working hard at school, and he had every intention of doing well here.

Not that there couldn't be some fun too. Jared hadn't been to any parties yet, but getting their life going here had taken a lot of time and energy. Just moving in with Jensen had been a huge adjustment, from the prosaic needs of housework, grocery shopping, and cooking (thank God Jensen knew how to, albeit nothing fancy) to living with someone other than family to having sex on a regular basis. Although the sex part was awesome.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly thumbed a brief text.

_Hey, slugbreath._

One second, two, three...and his phone flashed _The Chadster._

_What's up, donkey balls?_

Jared smiled. Chad's communication style was...unique. _Waiting for class, thought I'd say hi._

_Yeah, right. What's up? Hows Cali life? Fun in the sun and all that shit?_

_It's okay. I'm settling in._

_And the J-man? You getting schtupped regularly? ;-P_

Jared snorted. _None of your beeswax._

_So, yes then ;-P_

_Just kinda wish you'd come here to school, you know? Miss your monkey face._

_Yeah, me too dude. You're going to do great though, even without my supervision. **fist pump**_

Jared smiled at his phone. Chad had many questionable qualities, but he was Jared's best friend and could help reset his attitude in just a few keystrokes. _Thanks, man._

_You're welcome. Now go spout some wisdom and get laid._

Jared clicked his phone off and slipped it back into his jeans. He was still partially lost in thought when someone hopped up onto the wall next to him and bumped his shoulder.

"Yo, Jared!" Stephen Amell grinned at him. Stephen was a handsome guy, with a strong jaw and clear blue eyes like some kind of all-American superhero. His navy blue Stanford T-shirt bulged where it stretched over his shoulders, biceps, and chest. Jared eyed him with appreciation, but that appreciation was purely on a theoretical level. All of Jared's lust was focused on Jensen. That didn't mean Stephen wasn't easy on the eyes though.

“What's up?”

“I just got assigned another paper to do.” Stephen sighed. “I'm starting to think this college thing is overrated. It's going to take me all weekend to write these fucking things.” He kicked at the grass tufts growing between the sidewalk and the stone wall. “Dammit.”

“Sorry, man, I know. I have a buttload of work too. Maybe we can hit the library together.”

“Dude, I was hoping we could hit Kathryn Newton's party together! I hear it's going to be great! What do you say? I think we need a break at some point, right?” Stephen turned his big eyes and guileless grin on Jared.

“Oh man!” Jared rolled his eyes. “Maybe I can. Let me see how much I can get done before the weekend, okay? And I'll have to talk to Jensen about it.”

“Pfft!” Stephen snorted in disgust. “Seriously? You really going to bring the ball and chain? This is a _college_ party, not a retirement one.”

Jared stood up, his spine stiff with irritation. “Jesus, Stephen, I've _asked_ you to knock off the 'old man' cracks. Jensen is not old—he's twenty-eight, and I love him. Enough already.” Ever since Stephen had learned Jensen's age, he'd made snide cracks that were rankling Jared. Jensen was gorgeous, smart, successful, and sexy as hell. Stephen just didn't realize it because they hadn't met in person yet.

“Sorry, sorry. Okay, bring _Jensen_. As long as you can go, I can deal.” Stephen hopped off the wall and punched Jared's shoulder. “Come on, I'll buy you one of those big, girly coffee drinks you like before your next class.”

Jared laughed and punched him back. They ambled off down the sidewalk, discussing who else might end up going to the party.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92414/92414_original.jpg)

Jensen grabbed a beer from the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. The meeting with Misha had been very productive, but also mentally fatiguing. There were so many decisions to be made, so many steps to take. They'd agreed there was a lot of work to do, but that it was definitely worth doing. The best thing had been the feeling that he had found his partner; someone who could share his vision for the business and help him bring it to fruition.

He ambled through the apartment, but there was no sign of Jared yet—no backpack dropped next to the armchair, no books or papers on the table. No food wrappers in the kitchen. Jensen knew it was unrealistic to think Jared would race home every day like a third-grader, but part of him felt unhappy anyway. _Cut it out, you needy Nelly,_ he thought to himself. _Jared is building a life here too. He's making friends, and you_ want _him to make friends. You don't want him only depending on you. That's not healthy for either of you._

It didn't make the apartment feel any less empty though.

After a quick shower and the rest of his beer, Jensen settled onto the couch to read over Misha's proposals and notes. Time slipped by, until suddenly the back door banged open and Jared bounced into the room. He seemed to fill the entire space, all long legs and messy hair with his big dimpled smile, and Jesus, he'd grown so much since graduation, just a few months ago. Jensen laid his papers aside and got up for a hug, one that melted into a passionate kiss. Jensen was tempted to take him to bed—he never failed to get aroused by holding his boy in his arms—but instead he sat back down and smiled while he listened to Jared recount his day.

“Stephen gave me the notes for morning class, so don't worry about me missing it. And then, uhh...there's a big party this weekend. A lot of people I know are going.” Jared shuffled his feet and ran a hand through his hair; Jensen recognized those as Jared's nervous tells. He waited to hear what Jared wanted to ask. “Would you...be up for that? To go, I mean? Is that okay? You don't have to go if you'd rather not, but I thought it might be nice for you to meet more of the kids in my classes and all, you know?” Jared's puppy dog eyes were large and begging under a furrowed forehead.

Inside, Jensen sighed and rolled his eyes. A college party packed with freshmen was not exactly his idea of a good time. For him, it was 'been there, done that', but for Jared it was new, and undoubtedly fun and exciting. He definitely didn't want to curb his boyfriend's social life or fun. Making himself smile, Jensen said, “Sure, that sounds great.”

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

Jared looked at the full-length mirror in the bedroom to evaluate how his faded, slightly ripped jeans looked. They clung to his thighs and calves, and they looked positively painted on his ass. He smirked with pride, shaking his butt at his reflection. It wasn't like he was out to pick anyone up, but he didn't want to look like last week's dog food either. He had the hottest boyfriend around, and he wanted to look worthy of being with Jensen.

“It's nine-thirty, you ready to roll?” called Jensen. Jared yelled back that he was, winking at himself and left the room to join Jensen in the living room.

Jared wondered to himself how on earth Jensen could look so good so effortlessly all the time. He wore a simple forest green button-down shirt that brought out his eyes, with slate gray jeans that were poured over his legs. His light brown hair was in his usual artlessly tousled style, and a light dusting of stubble over his jaw kept him from seeming too polished. Jared licked his lips and his hand drifted to his suddenly tight fly.

Jensen looked Jared up and down, a slow smile crossing his face. “Down, boy,” he drawled. “I'm already coming home with you.” He reached out and grabbed Jared's belt, pulling him close enough to kiss.

Jared gave himself up to the kiss, reveling in the smooth, soft feel of Jensen's lips, his taste, the way his tongue slid into Jared's mouth. He hooked an arm around Jensen's neck, pulling them tighter together, tight enough that he could feel the growing bulge in Jensen's jeans and feel the shorter puffs of his breath.

“Don't have to go. We could still stay home,” Jared murmured.

“Yeah, right. I heard about this party all week--not going to skip it and hear about that for a week, too.” Jensen's slightly acerbic words were softened by his smile and the parting kiss he planted on Jared's lips. “Come on. The kegger awaits.”

The party was overflowing onto the lawn by the time Jared and Jensen got there. Jared was briefly intimidated by the volume of people, but Jensen's strong hand in his gave him the courage to plunge in. Once they got inside and got beers, Jared saw someone he knew, and after that he felt like it was just like any other party, just a lot larger and with lots of alcohol.

When he finally saw Stephen, Jared yelled and waved him over. Stephen headed toward them, followed by a shorter, very good-looking guy; he had large eyes arrestingly set off by straight dark brows, and a lush mouth, although Jared thought Jensen's was sexier. Jared looked at Stephen with an arched eyebrow.

“Hey. This is Colton. He's in a bunch of my classes, and we, uh...we're hitting it off.” Stephen and Colton exchanged smirks.

“Um, cool. Nice to meet you, Colton. Guys, this is my boyfriend, Jensen.”

Jared thought a flash of surprise crossed Stephen's face, but then he was smiling warmly at Jensen. “Great to finally meet you, dude. Jared talks about you all the time. Nice to meet the man behind the myth.”

“Yeah, he's mentioned you too. Good to meet you too.” Jensen shook Stephen's and Colton's hands. “Hey, Jay, I'm going to go find the head. I'll catch up with you.” He moved away, wending his way between the numerous bodies.

“I'm gonna grab a brew,” said Colton, and he too disappeared into the crowd.

“Wow, Colton could be a freakin' model for Abercrombie,” Jared said. “Where did you meet him? You never mentioned him before.” He felt a tiny twinge of jealousy as he said that, but resolutely ignored it. Stephen was entitled to his own life, and Jared didn't need to be the center of it. Jared could tell that Stephen was definitely attracted to him, but since that was never going to happen, then it was better that he find someone—someone hot like Colton--to date.

“He's great, and damn, can he suck cock,” said Stephen. He palmed his crotch and winked.

“Jeez, dude, is that--” Jared felt a little shocked at Stephen's crass summation about Colton's...talents.

“No, no, of course not. He's a lot of fun, we have a good time hanging out. We're just...friends with benefits, you know? He's pining after someone else, and I'm—well, we just like fooling around together.”

Jared was about to ask what had surprised Stephen about Jensen, but before he could say anything, an animated Kathryn appeared with fresh beers in her hands. Crimped long blonde hair framed an oval face; her eyes were heavily made-up with heavy dark eyeliner and mascara, and her bright red lipstick drew attention to her full, mobile mouth.

“Here!” She shoved the cups at Jared and Stephen. “How ya doing, guys? Jared, where is this mysterious boyfriend I keep hearing you rave about so much? Oh, do you guys know who the nerd outside with the ear wire is? Jared, is he the bodyguard Stephen was telling me about? He might look the right age and he's wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but he's clearly not here for a keg party--that face says 'don't talk to me' and he's not drinking.”

Jared sighed. “Yeah, he's, um...he's my protection detail. They have to go everywhere with me until my dad is out of office. Tyler and DJ were partly chosen because they look young enough to be hanging around at college.” He took a big gulp of beer, ignoring the bitter taste of the cheap keg beer. At Sidwell Friends, everyone had had bodyguards, so no one thought anything of it. Here, it was much more rare and thus more noticeable, even though they gave Jared as much distance as possible and generally dressed casually to blend in.

Stephen laughed. “I was wondering about that! I just thought there was some guy stalking your hot ass!” He elbowed Jared harder than Jared felt the joke warranted, but he forced a laugh anyway. “How much longer for the babysitter?”

Jared huffed in annoyance. “He's not a babysitter, man. It's just a fact of life for the President's family. We're always considered possible targets or hostages.” Stephen drank some beer, but Jared caught the eye roll behind the tilted cup, and his anger surged. “Look, you can think it's stupid, okay? All I know is I was kidnapped in high school once, and it was my Secret Service guards that rescued me. So until you know what that's like, shut the fuck up about it.”

He hadn't realized that he'd started raising his voice, but suddenly there was a little pocket of silence around him, accompanied by lots of wide eyes and open mouths. Stephen and Kathryn were both gaping at him, and Jared abruptly decided he needed some air. He turned and found himself face-to-face with Jensen.

“You okay, Jay?” Jensen had a casual smile on his face, but his green eyes were concerned. Jared knew he had to have heard the last few sentences.

“Just want some air,” Jared mumbled, still pissed but embarrassed now too. Jensen took his arm and helped him wend his way through the crowd, the rest of whom were dancing and drinking, clearly unaware of the little scene, for which Jared was grateful.

He made it outside, stopping a few yards away from the door, taking deep breaths of the cooler night air in and running both hands through his hair. Jensen stood nearby, close at hand but without touching him. Jared wondered how he always knew when to give Jared some space; maybe it was something he'd developed from being a bodyguard and knowing his client so well.

“Better?” Jensen's hand settled onto the small of Jared's back, and Jared felt himself reflexively relax under its warmth. He reached out and grabbed Jensen's belt loop, pulling him close and kissing him.

“Yeah. It was stupid to get upset. Just...they don't get it. And really? I hope they never do. I hope they never go through that.” Jared shook his head, scattering away the memories of being snatched from his prom, hustled up the freight elevator and held in a hotel room by an increasingly agitated and violent man. “It wasn't even like he was a serious criminal, you know? He just wanted to get attention for his environmental issues. I wasn't going to get my head chopped off or anything.”

“No, but in the end, he was ready to kill you anyway. Dead is dead, Jay, and that's what they can't understand. It's all movies and TV and video games to them.” He kissed Jared's forehead. “I agree, baby, I hope they never know it more than that.” He pressed his lips to Jared's. “Now, I think we had some crappy beer waiting for us—shall we?” He gestured back to the house.

Jared looked at the house and back at Jensen. “Okay. I don't want to be the princess who had a hissy fit and left. But I wouldn't say no to not staying long so we can go home and...”

Jensen laughed. “Sounds good to me!” Jared turned to start walking back to the party, and Jensen smacked his ass. Jared yelped and Jensen laughed again. “Just making sure you keep our later plans in mind!”

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

Jared squirmed on the library's leather armchair, attempting to resettle himself more comfortably. He was generally too long-limbed for most regular furniture, but adding to that discomfort was the fact his ass was a little sore. He and Jensen had taken advantage of an unexpectedly free morning--Jared's 9:00 class had been canceled and Jensen's first meeting wasn't scheduled until 10:30--to have some short but intense morning sex. Jared's eyes drifted shut as he lost himself in the recollection of Jensen's lips on his neck, Jensen's cock moving in his ass, hard and perfect...

“Yo, Jared!” Jared's eyes flew open; Stephen had collapsed into the neighboring armchair and was shaking Jared's with his foot. “Dude, you look all moony! What, you thinking about the last time you got laid?”

Jared felt the heat of his flush stain his cheeks. Stephen did a double-take before bursting into laughter. “Oh my God, you were! What, was it this morning or something?”

Now Jared's cheeks were burning, so he knew they must be crimson. Stephen laughed harder, lying back against his chair. “It was! Shit, Jay, you little horndog!”

“Shut _up!_ ” Jared hissed, glancing around uncomfortably. “People don't need to hear about my sex life!”

“Oh, I think maybe they do!” chortled Stephen. He wiped his eyes and sat up. “Need another pillow for your butt? I bet Jensen's hung--”

Jared grabbed his books and stood up, ignoring the papers fluttering down around him. Stephen stopped laughing and looked contrite. “Hey, okay, I'll stop.” He tugged on Jared's arm, pulling him down into his chair. “Sorry, man. I didn't mean anything by it. Just razzing you a little, you know?”

“Cut it out or I'm outta here, okay?” Jared put his things back down and eased his way back into the chair. Stephen opened his mouth, but Jared held up a finger and spoke firmly, “Not. A. Word. I'm not discussing Jensen's and my sex life with you. It's private.”

Stephen held up his open hands. “Okay. I got it. I promise to only talk about it if you bring it up first. Good?”

Jared nodded. “Good. Now let's get cracking on these biology notes, because I have a paper for world history to write, too.”

He walked home that evening, only partly aware of his guard for tonight, Tyler Johnston, trailing a few yards behind him. Jared pondered why it bothered him so much to have Stephen tease him about Jensen. Being in a relationship was new for Jared; he'd been quite popular, but he hadn't really dated in high school. Even in a school full of the progeny of the rich and socially prominent, the son of the President had stood out. Then he'd started pining for Jensen as soon as the man had been assigned to his detail, and no one else had compared. The one good thing about his being kidnapped at prom had been Jensen's revealing his feelings, and Jared's parents acceding to their being together.

And now, they were a couple and living in California, but life was starting to get a little more intense and complicated than Jared had anticipated.

 _This is growing up, doofus. Becoming an adult. Being in college. You'll be fine, just grow up a little and roll with it._ Jared nodded to himself, hitching his backpack up higher on his shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen had taken care of everything before, during, and after the move to California. He'd scoped out the entire area around Stanford, partly to familiarize himself with it, but largely to find a good place in a desirable neighborhood for him and Jared to live in. Once that had been located, he'd supervised the packing and moving, arranging for the furniture to be unloaded and the apartment ready for when they arrived. The trip from Washington, D.C. to California had been fun—they'd made it a real road trip, stopping at scenic spots and tourist traps, staying in little motels. When they'd arrived at their new home, Jared had been excited about everything; the place itself, the area, the nearness to the campus. They'd christened every room in the first week, and Jensen had resolutely ignored the little smirks on their Secret Serviceman's face. Jared was not known for his quietness.

It had been perfect.

Now it was time to begin creating his business. The meeting with Misha had been a success; his resume showed that he was professionally adept, and his personality seemed open and friendly. Misha was eager as Jensen to get their personal security firm set up and ready to take on clients. The two men met almost daily to discuss marketing ideas, business protocols, and so forth. They also started looking at various offices for lease. Some of their work-days were lengthy, and Jensen found himself getting home later, sometimes walking in just after Jared's return from campus. They always kissed and hugged, no matter how tired they were, but take-out and diner visits were becoming more frequent. Nonetheless, Jensen always felt grateful and happy to have Jared right there, to be together with him in their own home.

Time became more of an issue, with their busy schedules making domestic life a little difficult. Grocery shopping, for instance. And cooking. Jared didn't know how to do any of that, and Jensen had been the one been taking care of it all the while. Jared handled laundry, but sometimes even that was irregular due to his study schedule. The first morning they were out of coffee, Jensen was apologetic and took Jared out to Starbucks. Being out of coffee or having to run and pick up his shirts at the dry-cleaner was not a big problem, as long as he had Jared.

One thing Jensen did find himself wishing was that Jared didn't want to go to parties on the weekend. Jensen had to admit that it wasn't every weekend, but it was more than he personally cared for. Hanging out with a bunch of increasingly inebriated college students was not that fun for him. He quickly grew bored with their antics, to say nothing of being hit on regularly by guys and girls alike. Even standing next to Jared, Jensen's arm on his shoulder or around his waist, did not deter students from coming on to him. Jensen's reactions grew less polite and more along the lines of eye-rolling and snarky come-backs to the repeat offenders. It did not endear him to the party crowd.

Still, Jensen was happy that Jared seemed to be settling in so well. He found all of his classes interesting and challenging, but he also hung out a bit with friends, playing in pick-up basketball games or sprawling rounds of frisbee. Jensen was usually amused to have Jared come bursting in, out of breath but laughing and smiling, ravenous, thirsty, and sweaty.

Jensen and Misha met often at Cool Beans, using it as a de facto office for the time being, until they found an actual office. One afternoon a mothers' group arrived with a number of small children in tow, taking over several tables. They weren't out of hand, but still it got far noisy for Jensen and Misha to continue working, so Jensen suggested they retreat to his apartment. Misha readily agreed, and Jensen sent a silent prayer of gratitude that he had just cleaned it up yesterday, after several day's of mess had built up.

They walked over, and Misha said nice things about the townhouse's location and decor. Jensen made a fresh pot of French Vanilla and put some cookies out, and they sipped their freshly poured coffee while brainstorming possible names for the business.

“The easy route is doing something with our names, but frankly they don't sound very smooth together. Ackles-Collins. Collins-Ackles. It just doesn't work,” mused Misha.

“Yes, my thoughts exactly. So something about security. And something that connotes strength and reliability.”

They sat quietly, each trying to think of words and names that might lead to something. Whoever had an idea spoke it, leading to a brief discussion and—so far—dismissal.

“What about weaponry as a concept? After all, bodyguards are armed. What about something using a firearm or weapon?” proposed Misha.

Jensen thought about it and nodded. “I like that. Let's go down that road and see what we can come up with. Maybe a manufacturer? Like Colt?”

“Colt could be interesting. Short, strong, memorable. Smith & Wesson? Too clunky. And let's stick to an American name, so no Italian or Russian makes. Something with history. I like Colt. Any others you can think of?”

Jensen pulled out his tablet and they Googled weapons manufacturer's and makes. When he saw it, Jensen knew it was the one.

“Winchester! Winchester Security. That's it! It's elegant, has great history, and it's memorable.” Misha agreed, and they were just toasting with their coffee cups when the front door banged open and the living room was seemingly overrun with young men.

“Hey!” Jared bounced over to Jensen and gave him a quick kiss. “We just finished playing some pick-up basketball. I remembered we just went to Costco the other day so I offered a snack to the guys.”

'The guys' were wandering around the living room and drifting into the kitchen. There were five of them, all of them at least as big as Jensen; it was like a small herd of sweaty giraffes.

“Jared, can you all go into the kitchen please? I was having a business meeting with Misha.” Jensen's annoyance was slightly undercut by the pink flush on Jared's cheeks, and the messy curls of his hair.

“Oh my God! I'm so sorry! You must be Misha then—I'm Jared Padalecki. It's so great to meet Jensen's new business partner.” Jared was contrite to Jensen, but when he spoke to Misha, Jensen was reminded of how Jared had grown up amongst political leaders and dignitaries. His manners were flawless, even if he was in a sweat-stained T-shirt and jersey shorts.

“Yes, I'm Misha. It's nice to meet you too.” Misha's words were polite, but Jensen heard an unaccustomed chilly note in his tone. If Jared heard it, he ignored it.

“Okay, I'll keep the ravening horde in the kitchen and out of your way, okay? Sorry again!” With that, Jared disappeared in the kitchen with his friends.

Jensen looked after him fondly. With a little shake of his head, he turned back to Misha. 

“My sympathies on having to raise a teenager. The crowd, the mess, the vanishing food. The general obnoxiousness, just bursting in like that.” Misha frowned.

Jensen was shocked. “Misha, first of all, Jared lives here too. This is his home as well as mine, so he gets to have some space and some rights. He's not being obnoxious, he's being a college student.” He paused to catch his breath. “And furthermore, I am not 'raising' him. He is my boyfriend, my partner, whom I love very much.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I hope I've cleared things up.”

Misha raised his hands. “When you spoke of Jared, I guess I just didn't take the boy in boyfriend that seriously. My apologies, of course. All due respect. Still, I can't help thinking there must be some...friction from time to time? Different worlds and all? You established in a career, and him...going to frat parties?”

Jensen squashed any negative thoughts of parties and simply said, “We talk about everything. He's very mature from his schooling and his upbringing. We're very happy.”

Misha raised his cup and said, “To happiness then.” As they clinked cups, there was a loud crash from the kitchen, and a burst of hooting and laughter.

“Don't worry! I got it!” called Jared. Jensen rolled his eyes, but when he looked at Misha, calm blue eyes regarded him coolly under arched eyebrows.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

The holidays came quickly; even the soft California air turned crisper. Jared asked Jensen about returning to D.C. for the final White House Christmas, and Jensen gladly assented. He was happy to take a little break from planning, and Jared was clearly glad for the time off. He'd sailed through his finals and was ready to see his family. His academic success was no less than Jensen expected, but he was proud of his boy, and looking forward to some downtime with him.

When they returned to Stanford, the Ackles-Padalecki household underwent a major change. Jared no longer had his Secret Service detail. There was genuine sadness at saying goodbye to Tyler and DJ; after all, their days and nights had been spent in company together. At the same time, Jared felt free in a whole new way. Just walking out the door without the usual shadow made it feel like he could do anything he wanted.

Stephen noticed right away. “Where's your secret buddy?” He pretended to scan the horizon, one hand shading his eyes.

Jared chuckled. “They're done and gone. I'm a regular person now.” He spun around with his arms outstretched.

“That's great!” Stephen enthusiastically high-fived Jared. “Let's celebrate this weekend--we can go to the Half-Door and drink too much while I beat you in darts.”

“You're on, and you know I'm gonna crush you!”

Jensen begged off when Jared texted him, pleading too much work. Jensen was swamped with paperwork and details about establishing Winchester Security, if it were to open anytime soon. Jared knew this, but he also knew that Jensen would be happy to go play darts with him at a pub, but not so much with a bunch of other students. 

_Go. You deserve some fun._ Jensen texted. _And later we can... ;-)_

Jared and Stephen walked the half a dozen blocks to the Half Door, where Stephen beat him at darts by a handful of points. Jared didn't care; he'd never been out without either his bodyguard or Jensen, so he relished the feeling of total independence. He and Stephen toasted Jared's new freedom repeatedly, and he was unaware of how much he was really consuming until the bartender cut them off.

The effects of their heavy drinking became evident as Jared and Stephen left the Half-Door. The night air felt fresh and cool on Jared's hot skin, and the contrast from the hot, humid air in the bar made him more aware of his inebriated state. They both were laughing at anything and everything, leaning against each other with Stephen's arm slung around Jared's shoulders. Stephen's hand felt scorching on the back of Jared's sweaty neck.

“Get off, man,” Jared complained, knocking Stephen's arm away. The movement sent him listing to the other side, and Stephen caught his arm before he ended up in the gutter.

“Get yourself off,” Stephen retorted, then howled with laughter. Jared laughed too, doubling over and almost landing in the gutter again after all.

“You get _yourself_ off!” Jared clumsily mimed jerking off.

“You get your _face_ off!” Stephen grabbed Jared and tried to give him a noogie. He made a decent attempt, but Jared was three inches taller and, even in his drunken state, easily broke away.

“You get—wait, what?” Jared sat down in the grass, laughing as he tried to figure out what they were saying. “Who would get you off anyway?”

“How about you?” Stephen plopped in the grass next to Jared and made a kissy-face. “Look at those big hands, I bet you've got some monster dick. I'm already hot as hell--we'd burn the sheets up.” He waggled his eyebrows at Jared.

“Dude.” Jared's laughter died, and he pulled away. Stephen's words suddenly felt far weightier than mere joking around, and Jared felt uncomfortable and faintly repelled. “I'm with Jensen. You know how I feel about him.” He struggled to his feet, brushing the grass off his butt. “Why would you say that?”

Stephen pushed up from the grass and put his hands out. “Hey, just kidding around here. I know you are chained to the mighty Jensen. Just thought, you know, maybe we could have a little friends-with-benefits thing. We're both young, hung, and hot, right? What's the harm?”

“The _harm_ is I'm in a relationship, and that's not how it works.” Jared started walking. Perhaps it had been the shock of Stephen's proposition, but the beer haze seemed to be lifting, and now he just wanted to get home to his own bed...the one with Jensen sleeping in it. He ignored Stephen, whose footfalls behind Jared gradually fell away, and walked all the way home. He was still getting used to being really alone, with the bodyguards gone, but the dark streets didn't really bother him. He just wanted to get back to Jensen.

He let himself into the townhouse, locked up behind himself, and stopped at the master bathroom to shed his clothes, pee, and brush his teeth. Crawling into bed, he snaked an arm over Jensen, gently pulling him in close.

“Are you my boyfriend, Jared? Or the friendly neighborhood octopus?” Jensen asked sleepily, tilting his head to kiss Jared. “Ah, beer and toothpaste. Definitely my boyfriend. Goodnight, boyfriend, I love you.”

“Good night, Jensen. I love you too.” Jared breathed in the light woodsy-citrus smell of Jensen's hair, felt the warmth of his skin against Jared's, and for the first time since Stephen's unexpected proposition, he relaxed.

Despite saying good night to each other, Jared and Jensen kept trading slow, sleepy kisses, snuggling closer and closer together. Jensen was warm and relaxed, his muscles loose and his voice a throaty purr as Jared kissed his neck, mouthing his way down Jensen's throat to his collarbone. Jensen sprawled onto his back, and Jared took that as permission to crawl down that strong body and kitten-lick the freckles scattered over his creamy skin. 

“Mmm, this is a big freckle,” Jared murmured, licking over Jensen's nipple. Jensen chuckled and slid one hand into Jared's hair, stroking it while Jared alternately nibbled and licked the bump, smiling with satisfaction at how it hardened under his lips. Jensen was moaning softly now, his hand gripping Jared's hair more firmly, arching his chest to chase Jared's mouth when Jared pulled back. Jared moved to the other side of Jensen's chest, and he cursed when Jared's mouth closed over that bud.

“Fuck...little tease. How's a man supposed to sleep when his incubus of a boyfriend is driving him crazy...” Jensen took Jared's hand and moved it down, placing it onto the erection was poking up from Jensen's groin. The tip was already slick with pre-come, and Jared half-sat up to look at it, one thumb still idly rubbing the stiff nipple while he started slowly jerking Jensen's dick.

“You minx, look what you've done.” Jensen's voice was rough, and it made Jared's cock twitch. “You going to take care of this little mess you've gotten us into, boy?”

“Yessir, yes, I will. Right away, sir,” Jared answered, feeling not only excited but downright sexy, reveling in this late night seduction of his boyfriend. He kissed Jensen hard, rubbing their lips together and plunging his tongue in, not breaking until they had to stop for air.

“Fuck, you are on fire tonight,” murmured Jensen, softly biting Jared's neck and sucking a bruise into the tan skin. “You better decide if you want to blow me or fuck me, now that you got me all stirred up like this.” He bucked up into Jared's hand. “What's your pleasure, baby?”

Jared generally preferred to bottom; he loved to come on Jensen's thick cock, to feel Jensen fucking into him in whatever position. He loved to blow Jensen too, tasting and feeling his cock on Jared's tongue, but tonight...tonight Jared felt like being in charge.

“Wanna fuck you, Jen. Wanna push into your ass and watch you come while I fuck you.” Jared's dick wobbled and jerked at his words, as if it too couldn't wait to get inside Jensen's hole. Jared hesitated a moment after speaking, his hand still wrapped around Jensen's cock; they didn't often choose this particular dynamic, and he wanted to gauge Jensen's reaction before proceeding.

“Yeah...yeah, do it. Can't wait to feel you, Jay, all hot and hard in my ass.” Jensen reached over and opened the nightstand drawer where they kept the lube. They didn't use condoms; Jensen had been Jared's first and only, and Jensen had had himself tested twice before they went bare. “Here. How do you want me?”

“Just stay there for now.” Jared squeezed lube onto his first two fingers and slid one partway into Jensen, gently but firmly fucking it until it was all the way inside. He was always shocked at the heat inside Jensen's body, and it made his balls tighten up. He gritted his teeth a second, looking away and holding still, willing his excitement to back off just a little so he didn't come before he even got inside his ridiculously sexy boyfriend.

“You okay?” Jensen asked softly, holding still.

“Yeah, just...damn.” Jared blew out a long breath, and then smacked Jensen's thigh when he chuckled. “Don't laugh, you booger.”

“Sweetheart, I laugh because I feel that same way every time I want to fuck you, and you're laying there all long and gorgeous and naked, that beautiful cock just begging me to suck it or jerk you off while I ream you. So believe me, I got it.” In the darkened room, Jensen's eyes were dark shiny circles but Jared could see him smiling, his white teeth a pale arc.

“Okay.” Jared slid a second finger in, but it was only a minute before Jensen spoke.

“Enough...fuck me right the fuck now.” Jared could hear the desire and want in Jensen's voice, but he hesitated.

“Jen...that's not enough, you always take way more time with--”

“I'm ready! Come on, Jay, do I have to beg? 'Cause I will...” Jensen's hand reached for Jared, grabbing one arm and pulling him down onto Jensen's chest. He kissed Jared, rutting their cocks together, and then pushed Jared up, whispering. “Come on, baby, please? Please fuck me?”

Jared nodded; he was so overcome with lust and love, he didn't think he could speak. He quickly slicked his dick up, then spread Jensen's thighs wide and lined himself up with Jensen's hole. It gave beneath his pushing, and slowly he pushed his way in, eyes squinched shut and mouth open in silent bliss as the heat and pressure of Jensen surrounded every millimeter of Jared's cock.

He'd thought about going slow and prolonging it, but he couldn't do it. Fortunately Jensen was on the same page, urging Jared on with voice and body. Jared lost track of actual thought; he moved instinctively, driving harder and harder, arms braced to hold him above Jensen while his hips pistoned. It was all heat and skin and sweat and _more,_ it was too much and not enough. Beneath him, Jensen was writhing, scrabbling at the sheets and moaning constantly.

Jared couldn't tell who tipped first, it was so close—all he knew was his brains blew out of his cock, every drop of come spurting into Jensen as Jared's balls contracted. Jensen curled up, helpless in orgasm; his head and shoulders came off the bed while his cock jerked and painted his belly with white.

Jared managed to fall aside Jensen and not on top of him. It was all the movement he was capable of at the moment, outside of trying to catch his breath.

“Damn...that was amazing, Jay. Holy shit.” Jensen wiggled his arm under Jared's shoulder and pulled him close.

“Yeah?” Jared felt proud but a little embarrassed, nestling into Jensen.

“Yeah. Fuck, yeah.” Jensen kissed Jared's forehead. “We're doing that more often. But now...sleep.”

Jared nodded and closed his eyes, falling asleep in seconds.

The next morning, Jared's eyes snapped open when the question popped into his head—was he going to tell Jensen about Stephen's proposition? They'd both shared and chuckled when someone at a party had tried to flirt or hit on either one of them in the past, but this? This was different. It was someone they knew, an actual friend instead of some unknown party guest, and the overture had been made with far more intent than a casual pick-up line.

Of course, there had been a lot of beer involved too. That wasn't a real excuse for Stephen's behavior though, and Jared knew it. He felt uncomfortable about revealing the conversation to Jensen, afraid he might read too much into it or think that Jared was actually interested in Stephen.

“Are you hitting the library today?” Jensen asked over toast, scrambled eggs, and coffee.

Jared shook his head, swallowing before attempting to talk. “Going to study at home, then I have study group at Cool Beans.”

Jensen looked surprised, his eyebrows arched. “I thought you and Stephen had a regular library study date on Saturday mornings.”

Jared put his toast down, his hunger abandoning him suddenly. “Uh, yeah, but...not today.” He pushed his remaining eggs around on his plate nervously.

“Uh-huh. Those eggs have something to do with it? They sass you or something?” asked Jensen dryly.

Jared set his fork on the plate. “Something kinda happened last night at darts. Stephen and I both drank a lot, and we were being silly, you know, clowning around and all, but then things...got weird. He, uh...he hit on me. Like, big-time.”

“Really! Wow, didn't see that coming.” Jensen looked startled, his green eyes wide. His mouth tightened as he got up and cleared his dishes with more clatter than usual. “I mean, I know he swings both ways, but I thought you two were solid just as bros.” He started washing the dishes at the sink, his back to Jared. “What happened?”

Jared wished he could see Jensen's face. He thought Jensen sounded a little too carefully casual, but figured it was better to finish the topic than to leave it hanging. “We were joking around about getting off, being kind of raunchy but silly, and then all of a sudden he was all, we should get each other off. Be friends-with-benefits. And I said no way, I'm with Jensen. I'm in a relationship. And so then he apologized.” Jared shook his head, collecting his dishes and bringing them to Jensen at the sink. “It was just so fucking weird. I left and walked home.”

Jensen turned the water off and dried his hands carefully, hanging up the towel before turning to face Jared, face impassive. “I understand, you know. If you want to find out—I mean, I know it's just only been me, and you might be curious--”

“Stop it! I'm not curious! I don't want to be with anyone but you, okay? Just you!” Jared's heart felt like it was missing random beats. He cradled Jensen's face with his hands, trying to convey his love with his eyes. “Just you.”

Jensen pulled him in for a tight hug, burying his face in Jared's neck. “Thank God. I was trying to be a mature, supportive boyfriend, but I just want to smash his face in.” 

Jared's heart gave a pang; he never meant to upset Jensen, but he did feel better for having told him. He said that to Jensen, who replied, “Talk is the most important thing. Talk builds trust, and without that, there's nothing.” He gently bit Jared's neck. “Now let's go back to bed and see if there's anything else you're curious about.”

Jared figured study group could wait.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92414/92414_original.jpg)

After the glow of the holidays and the elation of being guard-free, February seemed dreary and gray, once the excitement of being guard-free passed. Jared's second semester required more time and work, and while Jensen missed spending a lot of time with him, he was also a little relieved. With Jared busy, it was easier for Jensen to concentrate on getting Winchester Security up and running. He and Misha, initially disheartened by several searches in cookie-cutter corporate complexes, found a small suite of offices in an elegant Victorian house, set in a well-kept neighborhood that was a mix of homes and small businesses. They took their time with updating, modernizing and decorating; they both knew the value of appearances in a business that dealt in trust. The décor in Jensen's office tended to a subtle sophistication; deep blues and rich magentas for the upholstery of the two chairs at the desk and the small sofa along the back wall, a deep blue area rug over polished hardwood floors, warm cherry wood furniture accented with mahogany. Rather than paintings, Jensen selected some single object still-life photographs, printed with a magenta filter, matted in dark blue and framed in black.

Misha's office was quite the opposite; he used bright colors everywhere, and chose a Lucite desktop on metal legs. “It will be good for people to see that we are different, yet still a team. They won't think that we are twin robots, but real people like them, so we can understand their needs and help them.” Jensen agreed, even if he thought the white plastic splotch 'art' on one wall resembled a puddle of spilled milk. Misha laughed at him and waggled a finger. “Come on! That's a fantastic piece! You need to unleash your imagination, Ackles.”

Next on the agenda was hiring an administrative aide and a receptionist. At first, the two could be combined, while the business was smaller and therefore less demanding. Jensen didn't look forward to interviewing applicants, but he lucked out. On the third day, when he was already starting to think about committing mayhem with the plastic fork from his lunch salad, Misha ushered a young woman in and said, “Jensen, I think we have a winner.”

Jensen raised his eyebrows—generally speaking, bosses don't talk in front of an applicant like that--but he was willing to see what the young woman had to offer. She was definitely very attractive, with rich red hair curling around her delicate features and over her shoulders, bright, intelligent eyes, and a perfectly made-up mouth that Jensen bet could probably smirk as evilly as it could smile sweetly.

“Danneel Harris,” she said, offering an elegantly manicured hand. Jensen shook it and was pleased at her firm grip. “I've worked at the top law firm in town for the last five years. There isn't a computer business program I don't know, I type ninety words a minute, I have a bachelor's degree in English so I can actually _write_ , and my discretion is legendary. Here is my resume, references, and salary requirement.”

Jensen couldn't help being impressed. Behind Danneel, Misha was nodding and grinning like a fool. Jensen scowled at him before gesturing for Danneel to sit down, skimming the papers she had handed him.

“Ms. Harris, why do you want to come here and join a new business that's just starting out, when you have such a good position at an established firm?” Jensen studied her as she sat quietly, hands folded in her lap but eyes alert and intelligent.

“It is a very good position, and one I worked hard for. Simply put, there's nowhere to go to from it. I'm not a lawyer, and I don't want to be one, but I do want responsibility and opportunity. I want a chance to grow, and in a new company like this, getting in on the ground floor, I think that can happen. I have mad business skills, but I don't want to simply be a secretary forever. I have ambition. And right now, my ambition, my drive, can help your company get off the ground and become a success.”

Misha and Jensen exchanged looks. Misha gave a small nod, and Jensen nodded back. Turning back to Danneel, he said, “Welcome aboard.”

After the meeting, Jensen and Misha took Daneel out for a drink. “This is a coup for us,” Misha said, toasting Jensen's Bullitt Rye and Danneel's icy Ketel One with his own margarita. “Your old firm's loss is definitely our gain, Danneel.”

“Please, call me Danni,” she said, clinking glasses with both men. “I'm thrilled to be here!”

“Now that we have our core team, we can get started on getting some guards on board. Danni, I'd like you to help oversee the campaign to bring in good candidates.” Jensen sipped his rye appreciatively. “I'm excited to get this all going, but I'm already looking forward to spending a little more time with Jared. Between Winchester Security and his classes, we hardly have any time together right now.”

“So, classes? Is he in grad school?” Danni asked.

“No, undergrad. He's a freshman at Stanford.” Jensen nibbled on a pretzel, but he didn't miss Misha's eye-roll.

“Oh, I didn't realize he was a undergrad.” Danni took a drink and dabbed at her lips with a cocktail napkin. Her tone was completely polite, but with a hint of surprise.

Misha asked casually, swirling the crushed ice in his glass, “So, Jen, is it ever an issue? The...age difference?”

Jensen swallowed some more rye along with his annoyance at Misha's comment. “No. We have a great relationship.”

Apparently some of the annoyance crept out into his tone, because Misha put his drink down and held up his empty hands. “Hey, I'm sorry if I crossed a line here. Just...you're setting up a new business in a tricky, complex field, and he's what, studying for mid-terms and going to keggers? That can be a difficult contrast in lifestyles.”

The memories of campus parties floated though Jensen's head, but he resolutely pushed them away. “Issues come up in any relationship, and like anyone else, we talk about them.” He looked at his watch. “Speaking of this, I gotta head home. I'm already over an hour late, Jared's probably wondering where the heck I am.”

“Well, he trusts you, right? Maybe just don't tell him you went out for drinks with a scorching hot redhead and a handsome Russian.” Misha winked and rattled the ice in his glass. “Might get his knickers in a twist.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. See you tomorrow, Misha. Danni, it's been a pleasure.”

Jared wasn't exactly mad when Jensen got home, but he wasn't happy either. “I went ahead and ate, because I was hungry. There's still Mexican leftovers from that take-out on Saturday in the fridge. I have to study.”

Jensen noted the chilly tone in Jared's voice. “I'm sorry, baby. I didn't text until I was on my way, and I should have let you know sooner. We just got excited about hiring our assistant. It's all starting to become real now, you know? Not just plans and ideas.” He took Jared's hand and drew him in for a chaste kiss. “I'm sorry, I promise next time I'll text right away if anything comes up.”

Jared relented, finally giving Jensen a little smile. “Okay. Thank you. I really did worry, even with you being a big, bad bodyguard.” He frowned and stuck his bottom lip out. “Besides, what if Misha decides he wants to be more than business partners with you? I'll have to come kick his teeth in!”

Jensen scoffed. “I don't think you have anything to worry about from Misha. Now, how about I have a quick bite, and then I can apologize again to you real slow upstairs?” He briefly sucked on the tender skin below Jared's ear, then nipped his earlobe.

“Yeah...yeah, that sounds good.” Jared kissed him. “I'll go...get ready for you. So...don't be poky.” He kissed Jensen hard and broke free, heading up the stairs with a sashay to his hips.

“Only poking tonight is gonna be me poking your ass,” murmured Jensen. He darted into the kitchen and frantically looked around for something to eat. There was fresh fruit in the big bowl, so he grabbed a banana for something quick to ingest. Then he looked at it and cracked up, putting the banana back. “I can't, I just can't. Not when the real thing is waiting upstairs.” Instead, he grabbed an apple and ate it quickly as he glanced through the mail. Jared had received some brightly colored flier inviting him to a “Post-Mid-Term Melee”, and Jensen sighed, sure it was about some big party Jared would want to attend. Jensen was so over the whole party thing, and even understanding how it was exciting or fun for Jared no longer sufficed to keep Jensen from gritting his teeth.

But now, his beautiful, hot young lover was waiting upstairs—probably already stretched and lubed—and Jensen threw his apple core away, washed his sticky hands, and raced upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92599/92599_original.jpg)

Jared slouched in an armchair, swinging his foot. He and Jensen had both been working hard, which meant they'd scarcely seen each other in...yes, three weeks. Three weeks of hurried calls, brief texts, and separate meals. And no sex.

The whole thing left Jared feeling unhappy, but unsure of what to do. He finally had a couple of hours free time, and used it to mull the situation over, albeit fruitlessly so far. _I'm not brooding or pouting! I'm...analyzing,_ he told himself firmly. Despite no actual solutions coming to him, Jared finally decided on one thing. He was going to call his best friend, Chad.

“Hey there, Jay-bird!” Chad's voice somehow conveyed all the untidy and hyperactive laziness that comprised Chad Michael Murray. It was a vastly reassuring sound to Jared. So much had changed in his life the last seven or eight months, but Chad? Chad was just the same.

“Hey, Chad. What's new?” Jared ambled around the living room with his phone in one hand, picking up random papers and clumsily straightening up. He wondered if he should talk to Jensen about getting a maid. Neither of them seemed to have time to clean up anymore, what with their hectic schedules. Worse than the mess, though was the dearth of time spent together, much less getting around to having any sex. And Jared really liked sex with Jensen. He liked it a lot.

“What's wrong, bro? Don't deny it, I can hear it in your voice. School sucking? Not enough parties? The big J squashing all your fun?” Chad's tone was light, but Jared could hear the genuine concern underneath the playfulness.

Jared didn't answer right away. Right now, it was all possibly just in his head. But if he told Chad, talked about it out loud, it would be so much harder to deny. Hearing it said would give it that dimension of reality.

“Uh, no. We're fine. School's good.” Jared rolled his eyes at his crappy denial and collapsed length-wise onto the couch, letting his body sink into the plump cushions.

“Yeah, that was convincing. Spill, Padalecki,” Chad ordered.

Jared sighed. “Well, it's just—Jensen's starting a business, and he's really busy, and I'm in school, and _I'm_ really busy, and like, we hardly see each other. And I get it, I do, but—I miss my boyfriend.” It all came out in a rush.

“Wow, that sucks. So what you're telling me is that there's no boinking going on.”

“CHAD!”

“All right, all right! Don't get all bunged up! Gimme a sec.”

The phone was silent except for a crinkling sound followed by crunching.

“Dude, I do not need to listen to you eating chips!”

Chad replied with a distinctly crunchy mumble, followed by gurgling. “Okay, here—mmmph--wait--” and then a loud burp echoed in Jared's ear.

“Jesus! Fucking gross, Chad.” Jared couldn't help laughing anyway.

“Sorry, man. A good out waits for no one. Now, here's what I think. You need to remind Jenny that he has a particularly choice piece of ass there, and he needs to be regularly availing himself of said ass in a gay and manly fashion. So blow in his ear and flash your masculine charms and all that shit, and lure that sucker into the sack. Got it?”

“Really? You think that's all we need to do? Have some hot, romantic sex?” Jared swung his legs off the couch and sat up. It didn't sound like a bad plan—maybe it would help remind Jensen that they needed time together in and out of bed.

“What domestic woes aren't alleviated by a solid roll in the hay?” The crunching resumed.

Jared held the phone away from his ear. “That's fantastic. Thank you, bro, you are the best!”

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

Jensen sat at the dining room table, papers and laptop spread out before him. They only ate in there when they had people over, preferring to eat in the kitchen or the living room, so it had become his de facto office. He'd mentioned to Jared about possibly clearing the small back bedroom of the half-empty moving boxes it currently contained, and turning that into a small home office for him. It was on the to-do list--the same list that wasn't getting addressed.

Jared walked up quietly behind Jensen, pausing to look at Jensen's broad shoulders in his black T-shirt. The soft knit material clung to them, outlining the muscles and accentuating their width, and Jared felt a stirring in his jeans. It had been a while, and Jared's cock didn't appreciate his right hand the way it used to. Not after becoming accustomed to Jensen's hand, Jensen's lips, any part of Jensen it could get in contact with.

“Hey, lover, whatcha doing?” He slid his arms under Jensen's, wrapping them around his chest, while he kissed Jensen's neck.

“Jay—Jay, stop--” Jensen batted at his head, pulling away. “I can't do this now, I have to get these plans in order.”

The rebuff dismayed Jared, but he wasn't giving up. “Can you take a little break? I feel like I haven't seen my boyfriend in a while, much less kissed him.” He sank to his knees, placing his hands on Jensen's thigh. “Or blown him. Why not just slide this chair out a little, and I'll--”

“Jared, _stop_. I have to get this paperwork done.” Jensen turned to face him, his tone annoyed. “Misha and I have to get everything squared away with the city and the bank by the beginning of next week, and it's a giant pain in the ass.” His voice softened and took on a pleading note. “So please, let me get through this and I promise, we'll have more time afterward, okay?”

Jared's heart gave a pang inside his chest, but he smiled and forced his voice to be normal. “Sure, Jen. Of course. I understand.” He got up, feeling awkward and somewhat ridiculous, and walked out to the kitchen, where he stared around blankly. He didn't know what to do with himself; he felt stiff and uncomfortable, like an intruder in his own home.

_Fuck this...I'm going out._

He almost called out to Jensen, but thought better of it. Grabbing a shopping list pad, he scribbled “Gone to library, back soon” and weighted it with a bottle of Gatorade. Jared picked up his hoodie from where he'd left it hanging on the back doorknob along with his backpack and quietly left the apartment.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92414/92414_original.jpg)

Jared sat in Cool Beans, lounging in his favorite booth by the window. He was supposed to be studying, but instead he was brooding about last night, when he'd tried to initiate sex with Jensen but had been rebuffed. He understood that happening once in a while, but lately it was becoming the norm for them, a norm Jared didn't care for. Jensen was tied up with hiring for Winchester Security along with Misha, and then working with Danneel—who Jared still hadn't even met yet—on the marketing campaign to draw in clients. But did that have to mean not having any time at all for them?

“I could see that morose look from across the street.” Stephen plopped into the seat across from him. “What's up, Eeyore? Your balloon pop? Your tail fall off again? No honey in the honey jar?”

Jared snorted. “No. Nothing. I'm fine.”

“Yeah, right. Okay, you don't have to talk about it now, but anytime you want to, I'm here, okay?” Stephen jostled Jared's feet, then reached a hand over and poked him in the side. Jared couldn't help laughing. “There we go!” Stephen did a fist pump. “Success! The black cloud lifts!”

“All right, you doofus. What's up?”

“I thought we could do work together for a while and then go throw some frisbees for a break. And tonight Kathryn's having a little get-together.”

Jared frowned. “That went so well last time.”

“This one is smaller, like not the entire freshman class. Besides, is Jensen going to go anyway? He hasn't been to a party since we got back from break, has he?”

Jared thought about it, his forehead still furrowed. Jensen _hadn't_ gone to a party since their return from D.C. and the departure of the guards. On the one hand, Jared felt confident of Jensen's trust in him, but on the other, the fact that his boyfriend wasn't going out at all with him, and wasn't having sex with him either, brought a fresh wave of unhappiness washing over him.

It must have showed on his face, because Stephen sobered up and sat up. “Hey, I'm sorry if I brought up a sore subject, Jare. I'm sure everything's fine, because hey—you are one smart cookie, and hot as hell too.” He pinched Jared's cheek. “Anyone who doesn't appreciate you, man, well...they're just plain stupid, and Jensen doesn't strike me as stupid. Now let's get out of here, get some work done, and bring on the playtime!”

While not entirely convinced, Jared allowed himself to be pulled along by Stephen's hand. They spent a few hours in the library, and at four-thirty, they put their books and papers aside and went outside, happily tossing a frisbee around. A pick-up game evolved, and Jared found that both the fresh air and the laughter did a lot to lift his mood. 

From there they went to Kathryn's, and the party was indeed much smaller than the one last fall. There was plenty of beer and liquor as well as joints circling, but Jared politely refused the weed and stuck to the beer, along with the occasional shot. He knew he was pretty drunk by how funny he found everything, but damn, it felt good to really relax and have a good time. No worries, just alcohol-fueled hilarity and issue-free fun.

“See how smart I am?” Stephen practically purred into Jared's ear. He squeezed Jared's arm, standing close to his side. “You feel a thousand percent better, right?”

“Yeah, I really do. Thanks, man.” Jared leaned against Stephen. He was not quite as tall as Jared, but he was six or six one, and all of it was solid muscle. He easily withstood the pressure of Jared leaning on him, but when Jared wobbled a moment, Stephen wrapped an arm around Jared's waist and held onto him.

“I gotcha,” Stephen whispered into his ear. “You're good with me.”

Jared made a small sound of agreement. “You're a great friend, dude. I love you.” His eyes closed for a second, and his head lolled on Stephen's shoulder, face turning into Stephen's cheek. _Damn, he smells good,_ Jared thought. He nuzzled against Stephen's cheek, inhaling his scent, and the arm Stephen had around Jared's waist tightened in response.

“Jare....” Stephen whispered, and then his lips moved onto Jared's, a soft yet firm pressure Jared instinctively returned. 

_Feels so good,_ he thought as the kiss continued. _I've missed this...being close, feeling wanted..._

“Guys, get a room!” Someone pushed past them with a laugh.

Jared's eyes popped open and he realized it was Stephen's lips on his, not Jensen's. He pulled away, feeling horrified at what had just happened. “Jesus, Stephen, I—I'm sorry! I didn't mean to--”

Stephen's reply was to kiss him again, pulling their bodies together and sliding one hand behind Jared's neck. This time, Jared reacted immediately, pulling away again and putting his hands up to prevent Stephen from drawing close again. “Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on or anything. You're hot, and we're friends, but I—I'm with Jensen and I can't break his trust like this.”

“What about _your_ trust, Jared? I know he's 'at work' late all the time now.” Stephen crooked his fingers in mock quotes. “Do you ever wonder what he's doing? Who he's doing? Are you guys even having sex anymore, or is he 'too busy' or 'too tired' nowadays?” Stephen shook his head. “I'm sure not going to force you to be with me, man, but I do think you should wake up a little and see what's going on around you.”

It felt like a snowball had lodged in Jared's chest, chilling his insides and making his heart jump. Misha's blue eyes and dark hair flashed into his mind's eye, along with how often Jensen was late getting home from work. “I'm fine. We're fine. And I think I better go now. Thanks for the day, it was—it really was a nice day. See you later.”

His buzz dissipated by Stephen's words, Jared slowly walked home, letting the night air cleanse him. Jensen was home but already asleep. Jared got ready for bed, then slipped under the covers, where he lay watching Jensen for a few minutes. He studied the strong features, the thick lashes now resting on Jensen's cheeks, how soft and relaxed his mouth looked in repose.

“I love you,” Jared whispered, and closed his own eyes.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

“Out of this round, I'd pick McNamara, Esposito, and Brinder.” Misha laid the corresponding head shots and resumes on the table, placing the ones not selected off to the side.

Jensen nodded. “I agree.” He picked each one up for a final look-over. “All the checks are complete? Background, drug panels, history? No surprises?”

“No surprises.” Misha buzzed Danneel and asked her to come into his office. When she entered, he handed her the papers and said, “These three to start. Go ahead and send them the offer letter, with a five-day window of acceptance.”

“I'm on it!” She smiled. “Shit's getting real now, gentlemen!” She exited with a flip of her hair.

Jensen sat back on the couch. “She's right. We're close now.” He sighed. “Man, I can't wait for things to get up and running. Then maybe I can take a little time off. Feels like I never see Jared anymore”

Misha sat down next to him with drinks he'd poured at his sidebar. Handing one to Jensen, he clinked his glass against it and they sipped. Jensen savored the cold alcohol going down his throat. 

“What, is he complaining? I mean, about the lack of time together?” Misha asked. “Does he understand what you're trying to do here? Things like this take time and energy.”

“Oh sure, of course he does. He gets it. It just doesn't make it any more fun, you know? He'd like to spend some time with me, and I keep shooting him down.” Jensen sighed and drank again.

Misha huffed. “Sounds kind of selfish to me. I mean, you're working your ass off trying to get this business up ad running, and he's whining about having to wait on supper for you? What kind of support is that?” He shook his head. “I guess that's what comes from being so immature--he can't really understand the effort something like this takes.”

Irritation spurred Jensen to down his drink and stand up, his glass clattering loudly on the table. “That's enough, Misha. He's not a fucking toddler who's crying for a toy, he's my boyfriend. He loves me and wants to spend time with me, that's all. I'd be concerned if he didn't want to.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry, didn't mean to overstep. Just—well, whatever. I just hate to see you down on yourself when you're working so hard. It's not like you're out carousing with showgirls every night. So cut yourself a little slack, okay?” Misha smiled a wide, easy smile, and raised his glass to Jensen. “Here's to us!” He finished his drink and also stood up.

Jensen felt bad for reacting so angrily. Misha was a fantastic business partner; he was smart, creative in ways that Jensen wasn't, and as hard a worker as Jensen himself. On top of that, he was good company, with a funny, quirky sense of humor and always with a ready comment. 

“Thanks for all your work, Meesh. This wouldn't be happening without you.” He embraced Misha, clapping him on the back a couple of times. “I'm going to make my final picks from the other batch, and we'll see if we can get at least a couple more on the roster. See you tomorrow, buddy.”

“You betcha.” Misha gave a little wave. Jensen waved back and left the office.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92414/92414_original.jpg)

Jared waved enthusiastically at Stephen, who was crossing the lawn toward him. “Hey! What's up?” Jared gave Stephen a high-five, and they fell into step together. “You ready for that quiz in World History?”

“Pfft! I'm winging that puppy,” Stephen snorted. “I had too much work to do on my Bio lab notebook.” He shook his head. “Man, there will be beers this weekend.”

“Sounds good to me!” Jared laughed. “You say where and when!”

“Hmmm, 'when' is as soon as afternoon study session ends on Friday, and 'where'—my place. I can get you all alone and assault your virtue.” He waggled his eyebrows at Jared.

Jared shook his head with an amused smile. “Come on, what happened to Colton? I'm not your type anyway.” _Wonder if I'm still Jensen's type_ drifted through Jared's mind. The drought hadn't broken, and he felt even more miserable when he thought about it.

“Dude, you are ridiculously hot. The hair, the legs, the eyes—you are smokin', Padalecki. And it's my mission to remind you of this.” Stephen turned to look at Jared, who was struck by the blatant lust in Stephen's blue eyes. “Anytime you get tired of waiting for Jensen to get the stick out of his ass, you let me know, and I'll take care of you,” said Stephen, his voice low and growly. He slid his hand up his thigh and over his fly; Jared's eyes followed, widening when they landed on the distinct bulge in Stephen's jeans.

Jared had no intention of taking Stephen up on his offer, but that rough voice, those burning eyes, that blatant erection made him shiver. Stephen was a handsome man, big and tall and built, and his obvious appreciation of Jared warmed him and made him feel desirable again. Their friendship had gradually grown to include a fun, flirtatious element that Jared thought was based on them both knowing nothing would ever happen, but now he wondered if Stephen really did realize that.

_Or does he really want me?_ Jared was unsure how he felt about that possibility, and that bothered him even more.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

Jensen clicked his phone off and laid it on his desk with a sigh. Winchester Security was so close to getting up and running, but things with Jared were not getting any easier. He wasn't complaining outright, but Jensen could hear the resigned tone in Jared's voice whenever he acknowledged Jensen's postponements and cancellations.

“You okay?” Misha leaned on the doorway of Jensen's office.

“Yeah, yeah. I had to cancel on dinner with Jared tonight. We have to finish getting everything lined up for the party next week, and...well, he's not very happy right now.” Jensen rubbed his eyes with one hand, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “I hope I still have a boyfriend by opening.”

Misha came in and walked to Jensen's credenza, opening it and looking askance at Jensen before pouring himself a drink. “You?” At Jensen's nod, Misha poured a second drink and went over to sit in the armchair adjacent to the sofa against the back wall, placing both drinks on the coffee table.

Jensen joined him, sitting on the sofa and taking a deep swallow of his drink. The two men sat silently for a moment, Jensen thinking about the situation with Jared, and Misha sitting in the calm, silent manner he said came from his meditation.

“Would you like me to talk to him? Maybe help him understand the situation better?” asked Misha, his voice almost surprising Jensen, lost in his own thoughts.

“No, thanks. He does understand, he's just unhappy about it. Besides, he already kind of resents you a bit as the man I'm spending all my time with.” Jensen drank again, feeling the alcohol warm him inside and starting to unknot the snarls inside him.

“Really!” Misha chuckled. “He's jealous? Well, I've never been the other man. Sounds rather dashing.” He batted his lashes at Jensen, who rolled his eyes and chuckled in response.

“I keep thinking things will get better, but between our schedules? I'm always working, and he's got classes and activities and a social life. Sometimes I think his best friend feels it's his job to get Jared to attend every party on campus.” Jensen sipped his drink appreciatively. “I will say that Jared is home every night though. He might be lit and it might be late, but he always comes home. I'm grateful for that.”

“Very responsible of him.” Misha's voice was dry, but when Jensen looked at him, his face was smooth.

Misha broke the next few silent moments by putting his glass down and clearing his throat. “I've been watching you beat yourself up over this conflict with work and Jared for a while now, Jen, and I wonder if I could give you my...viewpoint on it. My input.”

Jensen was a little surprised at Misha's words, but figured a fresh perspective might be be helpful. Misha was intelligent and insightful—maybe he had something helpful to offer. “Of course. I always value your input. Go ahead.” He sat up, curious and listening closely.

Misha rubbed his hands together for a second before speaking. “You have a lot on your shoulders right now, Jensen. You're starting a business in a difficult field, and in a new city. You're across the country from where you used to live, and you don't have your previous support system really, in terms of friends and contacts. And you have a young—no, I don't care how mature he is, Jared is still _young_ —a young boyfriend who is in his first year of college, a time we both know is filled with huge changes and self-discovery.”

Jensen pursed his mouth and knotted his fingers together, but nodded shortly for Misha to continue. The mention of Jared undergoing changes hit a nerve that he rarely acknowledged to himself—the fear that one day, Jared might discover he didn't need or want Jensen anymore.

“I just feel that maybe this is not the best thing for you right now. You're working so hard and you have no support system yourself. On top of that, you have to take care of Jared? His needs? His demands? It's not fair, Jensen. It's not fair to you. Who's taking care of _you?_ ”

Jensen stared at Misha in shock. This was so far from anything he'd expected to hear. “Misha, what do you mean? You can't be suggesting...”

Misha got up from the armchair and sat down next to Jensen. He placed a hand over Jensen's clasped ones, his skin warm against Jensen's. “I'm suggesting that maybe you'd be better off with someone...more on the same plane as you. In the same stage of life, with the same kinds of goals and plans.” His blue eyes gazed intently into Jensen's. “With someone who will appreciate you for how special you are instead of resenting your ambitions, and can help you to achieve them.”

Stunned, Jensen could not do anything but stare at Misha.

“You are special, you know. You're smart, you're creative, you're precise but you still think outside the box, still have that spark. We mesh really well, I think, don't you? Jensen?”

Still in shock at Misha's unexpected revelation, Jensen sat frozen, until a hand cupped his cheek and suddenly Misha's lips were against his. They were soft and not unpleasant as they pressed gently on Jensen's.

It felt totally and completely fucking wrong.

Jensen jumped off the sofa, taking a step back from Misha. “What the hell!” He hastily moved over to his desk, half-sitting on the front of it as he tried to regain his balance.

Misha was still standing by the sofa, his face in dismay. “Jensen, I—I thought you were looking to move on! I know Jared hasn't been making you happy. You're a realist. I wanted to show you that you...have options.”

_How on earth have I fucked this all up so badly?_ Jensen covered his face with his hands as he breathed deep, working to regain some kind of equilibrium. _What a cluster-fuck._

He dropped his hands and saw Misha still standing there, his usual calm gone. His thick black hair was sticking up all over his head; Jensen knew Misha ran his hands through his hair when he was wrestling with an idea or problem sometimes. Clearly he'd just done so.

_Start salvaging,_ Jensen thought. 

“Misha, I'm...I'm sorry. If I gave you any indication I was open to—to starting something, then I truly apologize for misleading you. I love Jared. I'm _in_ love with Jared, and I have no desire to leave him.” Jensen heard his voice tremble. “All I want is to get Winchester Security running and see about rebuilding my relationship.”

“Sure,” mumbled Misha, looking at the rug and then the walls. “I understand. Sorry—it's all my mistake.” He began to edge toward the door. “I hope you can forgive me. I meant no disrespect to Jared.”

“Hey.” Jensen stepped forward, stopping Misha with a hand. “No harm done. You expressed a valid concern. We had some miscommunication, but let's just put that behind us, okay? We're building something really good here, and I truly enjoy our partnership.” He extended a hand. “Are we good?”

Relief suffused Misha's face, and he gave a small smile. “If you can forgive me, then we're good. I promise this will never come up again.”

“Good.” Jensen shook Misha's hand. “Now go get outta here and get some rest, and I'll do the same. See you tomorrow bright and early.”

Misha nodded and did a quick retreat. Jensen shut his office door and leaned against it, feeling very, very tired.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92414/92414_original.jpg)

Mid-terms had arrived, and Jared was practicing some inventive new curses as he studied until the wee hours every night. The previous month had been spent writing all the papers and projects that were due before mid-terms, and now the exams themselves were dominating his life. Whether studying solo or in groups, in the library or at home, Jared immersed himself in schoolwork.

Jensen was always at the office now, only returning home for some take-out left-overs and then sleep. Jared was often too keyed up with studying and exam pressure to conk right out, so he often laid awake and watched Jensen, marveling at his physical perfection while missing his actual presence at the same time. 

One night, after his Bio mid-term, Jared couldn't stand to simply watch Jensen. He wanted to touch Jensen, taste him, feel his cock slide inside. The want made Jared's skin itch underneath and his muscles restless, like he need to go running. Jared's dick fattened, and he slid a hand over his chest, rubbing his nipples and biting his lip when he felt them harden under his fingertips.

Slipping out of bed, Jared went into the bathroom. He didn't trust himself to quietly jerk off and stay still enough while Jensen slept next to him. Pushing down his boxer briefs, Jared took his half-hard cock in hand and began to stroke himself, firmly but not too fast. He rummaged through one of the vanity drawers for some lube, drizzling it onto his palm and sighing with pleasure at the resultant easing of his hand's friction. His cock responded quickly, swelling and stiffening under the movement. Jared reached down to his balls and cradled them, rolling them around in their loose sac, giving them little squeezes that made his dick jump. He rubbed over and around his hole, teasing it with a fingertip, then brought his hand back to his chest and played with his nipples. 

It all felt good, so very good, and Jared's head dropped back as he closed his eyes and gave himself up to his self-pleasuring. Legs spread wide, back arched, Jared took short breaths as his arousal grew, his cock feeling like steel in his hand, his balls tight against his body now.

_If only it was Jensen touching him._

The thought drifted through Jared's mind and he frowned, shook it away.

_Jensen's hands on your body. Jensen's lips against yours. Jensen's cock in your hand, your mouth, your ass._

Jared stroked himself faster, harder, determined to ignore that treacherous little voice.

_Jensen's warmth next to you, surrounding you. The way he makes you feel so free and yet so safe. How his love wraps around you and makes you come harder than you ever thought you could._

A tear crawled out of the corner of Jared's eye, and his panting breaths were mixed with silent sobbing ones. He'd stop, but he'd be left with his stubborn erection; he was too far gone not to finish now, but the joy of it, the simple pleasure of release, was gone. He gritted his teeth and pulled out his tried-and-true tricks for a quick climax—licking his fingers and rolling his nipples, playing with the slit of his dick, twisting over the head with every few strokes. He rifled through his spank-bank fantasies, ignoring the multitude that involved Jensen and instead picking one featuring Matt Bomer, chiseled, gorgeous, and _flexible_. 

It worked; he felt the rush building, grabbed tissues to catch the jet of come, felt the endorphins flood his body, thankfully making him sleepy while they were at it. He peed, washed his hands, and crept back into the bedroom, slipping into bed. 

His body was still buzzing with the release, but his heart ached with the mechanical emptiness of it. Somehow, wrapped up in physical relief but with a hollow emotional core, Jared fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93598/93598_original.png)

A couple of mornings after his nocturnal knob-polishing, Jared got up to find Jensen sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. Jared immediately thought that something must have gone wrong with Winchester Security before it was even open. Why else would Jensen be here in the morning like this?

“Is everything okay?” Jared blurted. He shuffled over and plopped into a chair at the white wooden dining table, running an anxious hand through his disheveled hair. He felt inadequate to deal with a crisis while wearing a gray t-shirt and flannel pajama pants with Dumbo on them.

“Nothing's wrong.” Jensen sipped his coffee. “Well, nothing's wrong at the office. There's a fresh pot.” He indicated the steaming coffeepot, with an empty mug waiting next to it. Jared knew it was his own mug by the White House seal on it.

“Um, okay.” Jared got up and poured himself a cup, adding his usual two heaping spoonfuls of sugar and a generous glug of milk. The words 'nothing's wrong at the office' sank into his sleepy brain, and by the time he sat back down, he was even more on edge. If not at the office, then something must be wrong...elsewhere. Like maybe at home.

_Silly boy, you had to know this couldn't go on. And what makes more sense than Jensen is ready to move on? To an actual grown-up?_ The insecurity he'd felt from time-to-time about their disparate lives, slowly solidifying through these last couple of trying months, ballooned.

“So...what's going on?” Jared thought his voice sounded thin and anxious, but Jensen didn't seem to notice. Or maybe it was just the way it sounded in his head.

Jensen sighed. “I know things have been tough around here, Jay. I confess I didn't entirely realize what I was getting into with starting this business. Maybe I should have taken an offer from another firm and worked for someone else for a while, let us get more settled.”

“No! This is your dream. It's what you've wanted to do for a while, and if you'd gone to work for another firm, you would have felt that you were losing out.” Jared's words were earnest and heartfelt; whatever problems they were having, he never wanted Jensen to compromise his dream.

“Yeah, you're right. But it's coming a higher price than I expected. It's at the cost of our time together, and I'm afraid for what it's doing to our relationship.” Jensen looked at Jared, his face sad. Jared saw the fatigue in the purplish shadows under Jensen's eyes, and the way his mouth turned down at the corners. Like he'd forgotten how to smile.

_If you were ever going to show you can act like an adult, this is the time,_ Jared thought to himself grimly. “So...do you think we're...I mean, do you want...” But his throat was clogged with fear and grief, and he couldn't finish his sentence.

Jensen looked shocked. “Oh shit! Oh, no, Jared, no. I—fuck, I've done this all wrong somehow.” Jared felt a wave of relief; Jensen wouldn't be so upset about messing up this conversation if they were breaking up. Yet he also wasn't kissing Jared or anything. Maybe the jury was still out? Maybe Jensen just hadn't decided yet.

Jensen shook his head. “Let me try this again. Jared, I love you. That has not changed. I think creating this business, though, has definitely taken a toll on our relationship. I regret that, and I apologize for that.”

Jared nodded, drinking his coffee as a cover for not speaking.

“Adding to this is the fact that you're in your first year of college, and life has exploded for you. That's totally as it should be. You _should_ be growing, changing. You _should_ be trying new things and finding out about yourself. I know that, and I'm glad for it.” Jensen reached out and squeezed Jared's hand, smiling a smile that didn't entirely reach his eyes. “It's just that none of this has left us with much in the way of time together, and the less time we spend together, I think the more toll it takes on us as a couple.”

Jared had to admit the truth of this. He nodded again, still not sure he could speak.

Jensen rubbed the back of his neck. “I just...I don't know what to do, Jay. I can't change what I know you want me to change at the moment. I can't pull back on work right now anymore than I can ask you to stop going to classes. We simply aren't in the same place, and I think we're both struggling with that. But...I don't have an answer either. I think all we can do is wait this out.”

Jared stared at his coffee, afraid that he if looked up at Jensen, he'd cry.

“Jay?” Jensen's voice was soft. “Jay, where are you? What are you feeling here?”

Jared cleared his throat. “I think...you're right. It's just really hard right now. I miss you all the time, and I try not to because I don't want to be a big baby or anything, but I can't help it. I want what you're doing to be a big success, but I want to have dinner with you, and grocery-shop with you, and make love with you, and---” His voice failed, and he slid a hand across his eyes before any moisture could seep out. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, a silence broken by the pinging of Jensen's phone. His chair skidded on the floor when he stood up. “I know this is horrible timing, but I have to go. We're interviewing some new bodyguard candidates, and Misha just texted me that they're arriving shortly. I knew I was going to have to leave soon, but I didn't want to postpone talking with you. We've put off talking too long already. We needed to get this out in the air, so we can start working on it.”

He walked over to Jared and tipped his face up with one hand. “I love you. We'll get through this, I promise. I'm not giving up.”

“Yeah,” whispered Jared. “I know.” He watched Jensen leave the kitchen, and then heard the front door open and close.

Jared got up and went into the bedroom, throwing himself on the rumpled bed. _When did everything get so fucked up?_ he wondered dully. _How did we go from being so happy to this?_ He'd been present all along, but he still felt confused.

He lay there for several minutes, arm across his eyes, trying not to think. He concentrated on just feeling the texture of the soft cotton sheets and the firm mattress, smell the fading scent of Jensen's cologne with its notes of citrus and wood. Eventually his phone chirped, and he scrabbled around the bed to find where he'd tossed it when he lay down.

_Where are you? Study group! In library, near graphic novel stacks_. Stephen's text was followed by half a dozen emoticons, most of them as rude as possible. Jared reluctantly smiled.

Well, Jensen had gone out about his business. Time for Jared to do the same.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92414/92414_original.jpg)

Study group had been excellent for getting Jared out of his own head, and he'd decided to follow it up with a stop at Cool Beans. Nothing like a venti Americano and a fresh-baked pastry to get one ready for their next exam. Jared selected a classic cinnamon roll, warm and fragrant with a generous dollop of icing smeared on top, and parked himself at a booth along the side wall. He arranged his cup, plate, and textbook, taking one large, sticky bite before reviewing the pertinent sections.

“Jared?”

It wasn't a voice that Jared immediately recognized, so he looked up from his pages with curiosity. Blue eyes met his, and a thick head of black hair that kind of looked like it had been styled by a vacuum cleaner, sticking up all over the man's head.

“Uh...Misha. Hi.” Jared felt awkward at running into Jensen's business partner. _Really, he ran into you!_ Jared hushed his inner snark and gestured at the other seat. “Please, um...have a seat.”

Misha paused for a second, then put his own cup down and slid into the opposing bench of the booth. “I'm sorry, am I interrupting you?” He looked at the textbook and highlighter. “Studying?”

“Yeah, midterms--I have one this afternoon.”

“Ah yes. I remember mid-terms. The frenzied studying, the late nights. Only surpassed by finals, although then at least there's vacation afterward.” Misha drank some coffee. Jared fiddled with his pen, still feeling awkward and unsure. This man made him feel like just a silly kid, and Jared had no idea what he wanted. It seemed weird that he would just sit here and shoot the shit with Jared.

“How's everything going, Jared?” Misha's question caught Jared off-guard.

“Okay. I'm, uh, working hard. I want to do well, so a lotta homework, study groups, you know.”

“Sure. Takes a lot of time, right?” Misha's eyes studied him.

“Sure. Of course. That's what it takes.”

“Exactly. That's what it takes. Takes a lot of time to do it right.” Misha sat back. “And that, Jared, holds true for Jensen too. It's taking a lot of time to get it done and get it done _right_ ”

Jared stared at Misha. Was he really...counseling Jared on his relationship with Jensen?

Misha continued, seemingly unaware of Jared's shock. “Jensen—he's working so hard right now, Jared. We both want Winchester Security to get a solid launch. I know it's been tough for you two, but please—just support him right now. It's not going to be this demanding all the time, but for right now, just give Jensen the support he needs.”

Jared didn't know whether to be more irritated at Misha's nerve or amused at his earnestness. “Misha, I _do_ support him, I always have.”

Misha pursed his lips and frowned. “Be honest here, Jared. You resent how much time Winchester Security is taking, and you're jealous of me for spending all of this time with Jensen.”

Jared gaped at Misha, dumbfounded for a moment before his brain kicked back into gear. “Okay, here's honest. Yes, I resent how much time it's taking, and yes, I am a little jealous that right now, you see Jensen more than I do. But I know he loves me, and that's what matters.” _Hope you aren't talking through your hat, bucko,_ Jared thought, and promptly imagined a barrel falling over his inner snark to shut him up.

“Okay. I saw you sitting here and I thought I'd just give you my two cents. After what happened the other day, I wanted to see that you appreciate him like you should.”

“Sure.” Jared nodded, just wanting the whole awkward encounter to be over.

Misha stood up after a final swallow. The rest of his words finally registered in Jared's brain, and he caught Misha's arm before he moved away. “Wait, what?”

Misha cocked his head and looked at Jared. “The other day. When I kissed Jensen. It's all by-gones now, but I still am his business partner and his friend, so I was concerned about his well-being.” He held out his hand, and Jared automatically shook it. “I'm sure I'll see you again soon. Good luck with your exams.” The coffee shop bell jingled as he passed through the door.

Jared sat, unable to move.

_The other day._

So, recently--very recently—this thing had happened.

_When I kissed Jensen._

He had kissed Jensen. Misha had kissed Jensen. Jensen Ackles. _Jared's_ Jensen.

_It's all by-gones now._

By-gones for who? For Misha? If he was interested enough in Jensen to kiss him, what—now he didn't care anymore? That seemed unlikely. Perhaps Misha just meant he wasn't going to pursue it?

For Jensen? Shit, he hadn't even bothered to tell Jared about it. So maybe it didn't matter to him, but still, this was a sucky way to learn about it. Why hadn't he told Jared? Had it just not even occurred to him?

And what about for Jared? It sure wasn't a by-gone for him. He'd just learned about it. And he was...he was...

Pissed. He was pissed. More than pissed, he was _angry_. At Misha, for his presumption. At Jensen, for not being there.

At himself, for apparently not being enough. Not smart enough, mature enough, hot enough, whatever.

Jared scooped his book and materials into his backpack with one angry swoop. He ran out of the coffee shop, ignoring the surprised looks and exclamations as he banged his way outside.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

The alarm chimed, and the professor said, “Pencils down. Please close your blue books and put them on the table at the front.”

Jared put his pencil down and looked at his blue book as if seeing it for the first time. He didn't even remember opening it, yet the pages were filled with his writing. He hoped what he'd written made sense and was not just _all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy_.

Placing his blue book on top of the stack of others, Jared walked out of the room, not stopping until he was out of the building. The fresh air felt good, and he breathed easier, sucking in lungfuls of air gratefully. His encounter with Misha was still fermenting in the back of Jared's head, but right now he just wanted to forget it. He wanted to forget everything: exams, boyfriends, everything that was adult life right now. It all pretty much sucked.

“Just who I was looking for!” A cheerful male voice behind him made Jared turn. Stephen jogged up to him. “Just finished the Bio lab from hell. Is your exam over?” He scarcely paused before grabbing Jared's arm, continuing to talk as he pulled Jared down the sidewalk. “Come on, we gotta go get ready for the Post-Mid-Term Melee!”

Part of Jared had the sole desire to find a large rock and crawl under it. The other part thought over the idea of the Melee and decided that it was just what he needed. Blow off some steam, drink a lot of booze—yeah, it was just what the doctor ordered.

“I'm in, dude! Let's go!”

They stopped by Stephen's place to drop off their backpacks. Jared felt worse for wear, but not like a big drinking party required more than his t-shirt and jeans. Besides...who cared what he looked like anyway? He turned away from the mirror, unwilling to look at himself.

Stephen offered, “Want a clean shirt? I just did laundry, plenty to choose from.” He gestured to a pile on the foot of the bed, pulling one out for himself. He skinned off his own shirt and threw it in the corner, rubbing a hand over his well-muscled chest as he rummaged for a new one. Jared found himself staring, his eyes following Stephen's hand as it trailed across his pale skin and the hint of russet hair, tiny dark pinkish-brown nipples set on the curve of his pecs. 

Jared's eyes dropped down, caught by the thicker trail leading under the waistband of Stephen's jeans. He wondered what Stephen's cock looked like; was it long or short, thick, did he wax or shave or go natural. Were his balls sensitive, or his hole, or--

Fingers snapped in front of his face. “Dude! Wake up! Did that exam fry your brain or what?” Stephen stepped back, pulling a new t-shirt over his head. “Seriously, grab a shirt if you want.”

Jared felt unsettled, off-balance. Why was he checking Stephen out like that? The only man he wanted was Jensen. He masked his confusion by pawing through the pile of shirts, randomly pulling out a deep purple one with a dog on it. He had no idea why there was a dog on it—a greyhound?--but whatever. It was clean.

Stephen insisted that they stop for food on the way to the party. “There will be much alcohol tonight, and if we don't eat first, we'll be even sicker and more hung-over than we will otherwise.” Jared followed along obediently; he felt like he had no direction or thoughts of his own at the moment, but was merely content to follow Stephen's lead. They stopped at Five Guys, getting a couple of burgers each. Jared didn't even think he was hungry, but when he opened the wrappers to his food, the smell was delicious and he devoured them.

“Shit, man, when's the last time you ate?” asked Stephen, wiping ketchup off his mouth.

Jared thought about it. “I stopped for coffee and a cinnamon roll before the exam. I--” It dawned on him he hadn't finished his snack. Misha had come in...

“Yeah? Clearly that wasn't enough.” Stephen pushed his fries over. “Help yourself.”

“I couldn't—I didn't get to finish. Someone—something came up.”

Stephen tilted his head and looked at Jared. “Is everything okay? You seem kind of out of it.”

Jared snorted. _Okay? Not even a little bit._ “Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'm just fried from all the studying.” He crumpled up his food wrappers and got up to throw them away. “Let's go get our drink on!”

The party was at a frat house, a big, cream-colored construct of fake Greek styling. The double front doors were open, and college students spilled from it over the short rise of steps and then pooled in the lawn. The music was loud. Inside the house, it was crowded, with a pervading sour smell of spilled beer. Lots of people were dancing, while even more simply stood around with the classic red Solo cup in one hand, talking and laughing.

Jared followed Stephen, who seemed able to divine the source of the beer, leading Jared unerringly through the house and out the back door. Four large plastic tubs stood filled with ice, and settled into each one was a keg. Piles of cups waited next to them, and both Stephen and Jared took one and got it filled. Jared wasn't usually a big fan of keg beer; Jensen enjoyed trying different beers, and Jared had developed a bit of a palate, but tonight he didn't care. He drank deep, emptying half of his cup.

“Whoa! Pace yourself, dude.” Stephen laughed.

Jared scoffed. “I'm fine. Let's do this!”

The night did not run consecutively for Jared; it was more a series of brief vignettes. He danced with boys and girls alike in mindless movement. Laughter, music, multi-colored lights pulsed everywhere. Every so often, he found himself outside, enjoying the cool night air on his overheated, sweaty skin. 

Rounds of shots punctuated the copious amounts of beer. The first time Jared went looking for the bathroom, he walked into the kitchen and saw six or seven people surveying several bottles. “What will you have?” asked one, turning to Jared. He saw a bottle of Cuervo and chose that. It seemed like a tequila kind of night, reckless and mind-numbing. After that, he had a shot anytime he saw the bottle floating around.

The further on the night went, the more it seemed to strobe. It was all short flashes of people, movement, scenes, for Jared; time collapsing from hours into minutes, seconds. He was surprised when Stephen came up and took his arm, tugging him outside. “Hey, where you been,” Jared asked with a giggle. “You're my buddy, man. My brutha.” He slung an arm around Stephen's shoulders.

“Jesus, man, drunk much?” Stephen laughed and shook his head. “I think this is a new high. I've been looking for you for a while. Everyone knew who the sasquatch with the purple greyhound shirt was. I might as well just give that to you now, everyone's going to identify it with you.”

Jared looked down at his chest. “Greyhound? 'S a greyhound?” It seemed very puzzling that it was a greyhound. He looked back at Stephen and asked very seriously, “Why's it a greyhound, Shtephen?”

“Holy fuck, how drunk _are_ you?” Stephen rolled his eyes and got a firm grip on Jared's arm. “C'mon, time to go home.”

He manhandled Jared out of the house, brushing off other drunk guests who were trying to get handsy with Jared along the way. “Aren't you drink too, Shte...Shtefn? We were at the same party.” Jared laughed loudly. “Party! I'm ready toooooooo par-taaaay!”

“Yeah, I am drunk too, just next to you I seem stone-cold sober!” They both laughed, shoulders collapsing into each other's. “Now shut up, dude, we don't want to get arrested on the way home!”

They made it back to Stephen's with only one stop along the way. Passing 7-11, Stephen said, “we better get some water. We're gonna need to rehydrate after all that beer.” Stephen was pretty drunk himself, but not quite as roaringly drunk as Jared.

Jared thought that sounded just fine. Everything was just fine. 

While Stephen collected half a dozen water bottles, Jared meandered over to the snack aisle. “Doritos! We gotta get us some Doritos!” He started grabbing bags, bringing his loaded arms over to the register and dropping them. Slippery, crinkly bags slipped all over the counter and onto the floor.

“We don't need all these Doritos!” Stephen tried to round up the bags and take them back to the snack rack. Jared felt his lower lip pooch out at his disappointment. Stephen looked at him and sighed. “Okay. Two bags! Get a nacho cheese and a cool ranch and that's it, okay?” Jared nodded happily, grabbing the proper bags and keeping them safe next to his chest.

The clerk rang them up without a word. His bored expression never changed throughout the whole episode, and Jared figured that two drunk college students getting Doritos and water probably were par for the course at the 7-11 at two-ten a.m.

Arriving back at Stephen's, they made it up the stairs, down the hallway, and into Stephen's room. Jared ran for the bathroom--his beer-distended bladder had been protesting the last few blocks--with Stephen's laughter trailing behind him. Then Stephen had to pee too, so Jared got his turn to laugh.

Drained, with water bottles and Doritos in hand, they settled onto Stephen's couch to watch a little TV. They briefly squabbled about what to watch—first Jared said they should channel-surf, but Stephen wanted explosions. Then Stephen said porn, but Jared wanted intrigue. They arrived at the perfect compromise: Game of Thrones. Sex, intrigue, fighting, and bonus dragons!

Jared felt floaty and boneless. He knew it was the alcohol, but he didn't care. That was all he had wanted from tonight—a break from pressure and tension, some fun and relief. He smiled at Stephen. “You are the best friend, man. Not my _best-_ best friend, that's Chad. He's kinda weird but a good guy. But you are my best friend here.” Tear pricked at Jared's eyes. “I love you, dude. I really do.”

Stephen howled with laughter. “You are so fucking wasted! But I am too, so it's cool. Watch the damn show, Pada-lushie.”

They watched a little bit of _Game_ , but Jared couldn't keep track of the story or all the characters. He grew bored, and started poking at Stephen's side. Stephen tried to fend him off, but the more he blocked Jared, the more persistent Jared became. Both of them had crappy coordination by now, and the whole thing turned into a big, sloppy, grappling match. Jared pinned Stephen, who managed to worm his way out and turn the tables, crawling on top of Jared. They couldn't stop laughing which greatly interfered with any actual success.

Stephen put his hands on Jared's shoulders and said “I win!” Jared tried to throw him off, but Stephen wedged one leg between Jared's, pinning him even more.

Jared laughed, but Stephen moved his leg and Jared's laughter died. Stephen's thigh rubbed against Jared's groin, and when he looked up, Stephen's eyes were dark. He licked his lips and moved his hips against Jared. Before Jared could have another thought, Stephen dipped his head and kissed him. Pulling back for a moment, Stephen studied Jared and then kissed him again, this time opening his lips and licking into Jared's mouth.

Jared allowed the kiss; in fact, he welcomed it. He let Stephen into his mouth and gave back as hot and hard as he got. Stephen was different; his style, his tongue, his taste, all were unknown to Jared. He wanted to be desired, to feel wanted, and Stephen's passionate kisses, the leg pressing so urgently between Jared's the soft noises Stephen was making, all told Jared that he was all those things.

_But it's not Jensen. He's not Jensen. It's not the same. It just doesn't count._

Once that realization passed through Jared's head, he broke the kiss, pushing his hands gently against Stephen's chest. “Stephen, I--”

Jared's eyes drifted shut and his hands fell limp.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92414/92414_original.jpg)

Jensen checked his watch again. _3:15_ it winked at him. He sighed, tossing his book onto the bed where he'd been attempting to read, propped up on Jared's pillow while waiting for Jared to come home. Jensen had forgotten about the big party, but the flier for the Post-Mid-Terms Melee had fallen off the kitchen table when he'd put his plate of left-overs on it. So, fine, it was a party night, but Jensen didn't care how drunk Jared got, or how late he was, as long as he came home. Jared always came home.

Rubbing his eyes, Jensen debated getting up and getting a drink himself. He decided against it, in case he had to go drive somewhere to pick Jared up. Surely Jared would call soon. Or come home.

_So call already._ Jensen let some irritation creep in...it helped mask the worry. Usually Jared was already home by now.

Jensen rolled off the bed and pulled his jeans on. He kicked into his sneakers, and took a quick look to see if he would bear public scrutiny. He figured he was okay for the outside world at ass o'clock in the morning and ran downstairs, grabbing his keys. A thought stopped him cold—what if Jared came home and Jensen was gone? He took the Melee flier and scribbled on the back.

_Jay -_  
3:15 – gone to office  
Call me!!! 

He stuck it at Jared's eye-level just inside the front door and went out into the night.

It was odd being at Winchester Security's offices in the middle of the night like this. The rooms were dark and empty. There was no soft murmur of Danneel's voice or rumble of Misha's. Jensen grabbed some files and sat down on his sofa. After ten or fifteen minutes, he tossed them back onto the coffee-table. Who was he kidding? He couldn't concentrate on work. All he could do was worry about Jared.

Getting up, he went to his credenza and poured himself a small drink. Then he picked up the bottle as well and took both back to the sofa. 

The window blinds being raised woke Jensen, but he didn't know whether it was the clattering noise or the bright, stabbing rays of the morning sun that were at fault. He did know he felt like crap; stiff from sleeping on the couch, his mouth tasting like roadkill, and a headache from alcohol combined with anxiety and fatigue.

“Hello, darling!” chirped a cheery female voice. Danni stood looking at him, her arms crossed on her chest but a fake smile worthy of Miss America on her face. “And to what do we owe this lovely sight? You should be home snoozing with Jared. Did someone get exiled from the marital bed?”

“We aren't married,” mumbled Jensen, swinging his legs over and sitting up. He dropped his head in his hands—it had not cared for the altitude change.

She scoffed. “In all but name. What did you do, Jensen?” Smoothing her slim-fitting pants, she sat next to him. “You're not here because you needed a change in scenery, so tell Mama what happened.”

He sagged against the couch, eyes searching the ceiling for answers. “It's...I...” He sighed. “Jared didn't come home last night, and I don't know where he is or if he's okay.” Just saying it out loud was enough to make his eyes prickle. _My beautiful boy...please be safe._

“So he stayed out all night? He probably got drunk at some party and stayed to sleep it off.” She eyed him sharply. “The question is why would he do that? The way you describe Jared, he doesn't strike me as that serious a partier. I'd take a wild guess that he was upset about something and tried to drink it off.” Danni poked Jensen in the shoulder. “And whose fault would that be, Jensen?”

Jensen stared at her. He'd known she was a smart cookie—that's why he'd hired her—but he hadn't realized how canny she was. “What—why would it be my fault?”

Danni rolled her eyes. “Come on, get real. The last couple of months alone, you've spent almost every waking moment here at Winchester. You've planned and organized and run background checks and so on. Quite frankly, Mr. Ackles, you are a classic micromanager. How much time have you spent at home? How many meals have you shared with Jared in the last two months?”

He couldn't break away from her clever brown eyes. In a couple of sentences, she'd laid the whole thing open. “I—there was so much to do, and it's all on me. I needed--”

“You _needed_ to spend some time with your boyfriend, who is young and going through his own tremendous changes. You _need_ to delegate. You have a solid partner in Misha. You hired a highly competent office manager and administrator. Let us do our jobs, Jensen. Let me do my job. You don't need to handle every detail yourself.” She laid a hand over his. “And you don't need to sacrifice your relationship for work. That's a deal you'll regret forever.”

Jensen nodded dumbly. Yes, he would. He cleared his throat. “Thank you, Danni.”

“You're welcome.” She patted his hand and stood up. “Now go get your boy, and don't come back for the rest of the day.”

He nodded again. Danni walked to the door and opened it. Pausing in the doorway, she turned back to Jensen. “And, Jensen? If I catch you sleeping on the couch here again? I'll change the locks.”

With a wink, she left, closing the door behind her.

Jensen shook his head in amusement. Not many people ever gave him what-for, but he'd sure received what-for now. He got up and headed into the bathroom off his office, where he kept toiletries and a couple of clean shirts. Time to clean up, get some coffee, and find Jared.

And apologize.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

Jared slowly drifted up to awareness, sensations gradually worming into his brain. First was his mouth, which felt furry and gross. He wondered if a hamster had crawled inside, and tried to swallow. No hamster, just...blech.

He was warm—in fact, he was too warm, feeling sweaty and claustrophobic beneath rumpled sheets and...something heavy. That had to be an arm across him, pinning the sheet and blanket to his body. Then his bladder joined in, loudly announcing that it needed to be drained _right now._

“Jen, gotta pee,” he mumbled, shoving the arm and linens away and staggering to his feet. _Oh, crap, not too fast now,_ complained his brain, sloshing around inside the throbbing of his skull. _Easy does it!_

Somehow the bathroom wasn't in the right place, but Jared found it and gratefully peed. There was a cup by the sink, and he filled it and drained it twice, which helped abate the throbbing and rinse away the blech. He filled it once more and took it with him back to the bed.

Which was not his bed.

And that was not Jensen in it.

“Dude, it's early,” grumbled Stephen, punching his pillow.

Jared stood frozen. His over-warm skin now felt chilled.

Chilled all the way down his body. Looking down, he saw he was naked.

_Oh God, I didn't. Tell me I didn't._

“Uh, Stephen, did we—did I--” There weren't any chairs in the small, sparsely furnished room, so Jared perched on a corner of the bed, his legs too wobbly to stand.

“Did we what, man? Drink enough to float a tanker? Pretty sure that's right.” Stephen flopped over onto his back, arms sprawled wide. “And man, am I feeling it this morning.” He groaned.

Jared shook his head and gulped some water. “Stephen, it's not funny. Please tell me we...we didn't sleep together?” The end came out more quavery than Jared intended, but he couldn't help it. He set his cup down and looked around for his clothes, pulling them on hurriedly. He couldn't find his boxers, but threw his jeans on anyway. He had to get out of here. Had to get out of this room. 

Had to go talk to Jensen.

Stephen sat up and pushed the covers down. Yep, he was naked too. Jared closed his eyes and turned his head. It was too late not to see that Stephen was ripped and gorgeous, but Jared didn't want to see any more than he already had.

“Would that be so horrible, Jare? Would sleeping with me have been the worst thing in the world to happen?” Stephen's voice was unexpectedly sad, his face serious. 

“It's not like that. It's not about being with you. It's—breaking Jensen's trust. Breaking my word. And I have to find him—have to see if--” Jared's voice failed. He went into the bathroom, ran his fingers through his hair, and swished some mouthwash. “I gotta go. I'm sorry—I'm so sorry, but—I gotta go.”

He dashed out the door before he even thought about where he was going to go.


	5. Chapter 5

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92599/92599_original.jpg)

Jensen checked around the empty townhouse, looking for any signs that Jared had been there. There weren't any. The bed was as Jensen had left it, there was no change in the level of the milk gallon, Jared's jacket was still gone. His toothbrush was dry. Jensen sat down on the toilet lid and just gave up for a moment. Jared was gone.

As if she were in the room with him, Jensen could hear Danni's sweet but sharp voice addressing him. _This is it, isn't it? This is what you're really afraid of._

“What do you mean?” he mumbled. “Not afraid of...of...”

_Can't even say it, big guy. You're afraid that Jared will wake up one day and decide that you aren't it after all. That you aren't the one and only, the big kahuna. That there is a whole world out there and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't need anyone holding his hand to explore it._ He could see her warm brown eyes studying him, refusing to let him slip away without an answer.

“So what? Of course I'm afraid of losing him!” Jensen got up and left the bathroom, but that didn't leave the voice behind. “Isn't everyone in a relationship afraid of losing their partner?”

_But you, Jen, your fear is more than just losing him, isn't it?_ Ghost-Dani crossed her arms on her chest, fingers of the top hand tapping impatiently. _Come on, Jensen, admit it! Confess!_

“Yes! Yes, all right? I'm afraid of losing him, because if I do—if I lose Jared, I'll—I'll...” Jensen sank down onto the floor, back resting against the bed, and rested his head on his knees. “I'll fall apart. I won't be able to bear it. He's my lodestone.”

_See, you did it. Smart boy._ It felt like a small breeze ruffled his hair. _Now go get your boyfriend._

“Yeah,” he whispered, picking his head up. “Yeah.”

Forty minutes later, showered, in clean clothes, and with coffee in hand, Jensen left the apartment. The shower had helped clear his head, and the coffee to get his brain in gear. He knew where to start now, and he went directly there.

When Jensen knocked on Stephen's door, he was surprised how quickly Stephen answered. He'd figured that after a big party like the Post Mid-Term Melee, Stephen might be sleeping in. Although he was up, Jensen judged by his dishevelment and pained expression that the hangover was now in progress.

“Jensen, uh, hi.” Stephen hung on his door, apparently bemused to see Jensen on his step. He didn't invite Jensen in, but merely stared at him blankly.

“Hey, Stephen, I was wondering if Jared was here.”

Stephen's mouth tightened, the corners turning down. “No, man, he's not here.” He turned and left the doorway, leaving the door open. Jensen went ahead and walked inside. The place was untidy, to say the least, but nothing out of the ordinary for a college student. Books, papers, hoodies, dishes, all were scattered around. Game controllers and DVD cases were strewn in front of the television. 

“Did you guys go to the Melee last night?” Jensen asked while he followed Stephen into what must be his bedroom. There were several comic book hero posters on the walls, and Jensen remembered Jared mentioning how Stephen was a big fan.

“Yeah, we hit it.” Stephen rummaged around and pulled a pair of jeans out from a pile of clothing. He nonchalantly dropped the boxers he was wearing and stepped into the jeans, pulling them up over what Jensen couldn't help noticing was a very fine ass. He cleared his throat and looked away, his eyes roving around the room.

“'We'? So Jared went with you?”

“Yeah, we went together.” Stephen laughed harshly. “Man, he got trashed. I have never seen that boy so drunk, and that's saying something.” He pulled a t-shirt on, and Jensen breathed easier. Stephen's arms and torso were both muscular and well-defined, and it was less distracting to talk to someone when their six-pack and pecs were covered up.

Jensen felt a little sick at hearing how drunk Jared had gotten. “Was he okay? Did you guys come back here or what?”

Stephen turned around to face Jensen. “What's with the twenty questions?”

Jensen sighed. “He, uh...he didn't come home last night, and he _always_ comes home. No matter how wasted he might be. So I'm...a little worried.” He spread his hands open. “You're his best friend, so I figured I'd come, uh, talk with you.”

“Yeah, I am his best friend.” Stephen walked over to the bed and plopped down. “We came back here—we were both drunk, but him way more than me. He passed out, and I let him just sleep it off.”

Jensen felt there was more that Stephen wasn't saying, so he turned and looked at the different posters. “Marvel fan, huh?”

“Oh yeah.” Stephen smiled faintly. Jensen smiled back and kept looking around, slowly walking along the room's perimeter. There were a lot of clothes flung around, and when he caught his foot on one article, he gave a little kick to get it off. Then he stopped and picked it up, staring at it with shock.

“These—these are Jared's.” Men's briefs were often interchangeable, but this pair? This pair had dinosaurs all over them, and the waistband read Dinosaur Park--they had bought it on their cross-country road trip to Palo Alto. Jensen felt a surge of jealousy and anger rising inside him. “What are they doing here on your floor, Stephen?” In one stride, Jensen was in front of Stephen, grabbing his t-shirt and pulling up from the bed. “Did you sleep with him? When he was all drunk and vulnerable, did you take advantage of him?” He gave Stephen a little shake.

“No!” Stephen pulled out of Jensen's grasp. “No, I didn't!” He took a deep breath. “Not gonna lie, I thought about seducing him. Wanted to be with him for a long time now, but he's always turned me down.” He shook his head. “He's my friend first, though, and I didn't want to lose that. We just slept, nothing else.”

Jensen's relief made him weak in the knees, and he sat on the bed next to Stephen. “So why are his boxers here then?”

“He was about to pass out. I helped him get his clothes off and he insisted on taking everything off, kept saying he was hot. Then I got him into bed. This morning, he couldn't find them, so he got dressed and left without them.”

Jensen nodded. He was very familiar with Jared's propensity to sleep nude. He quickly skipped over the thought that Stephen had gotten an eyeful of Jared's junk.

“Okay. Uh, thanks. For keeping an eye on him, and for...you know.” Jensen rubbed the back of his neck, the awkwardness of thanking a man for not seducing his boyfriend stifling his words. He got up from the bed. “Guess I'll go look for him.”

“Yeah. Try Cool Beans, he likes to go there a lot.”

“Yeah, I've met him there before.” _Before Winchester Security. Not so much since, eh, Jen?_ “Thanks, I'll try there next.” Jensen walked to the door.

“Jensen--wait a sec.” Stephen stood up. “Can I say something? I mean, can I...be blunt?”

Jensen turned and looked at Stephen. His charming, ready smile was gone, and he looked uncharacteristically serious. “Sure. We've discussed my boyfriend's underwear, I think that counts for some kind of bonding or whatever.”

It didn't get the chuckle Jensen hoped for. Instead, Stephen stuffed his hands into his front pockets and took a couple of aimless steps around the room. He stopped at the window, staring out of it for a second, then turned back to Jensen.

“Dude, I don't think you realize just what you have. You have a guy who's wicked smart, funny, sweet, and fucking gorgeous. He thinks you walk on goddamn water. He waits for you. He gets upset if he disappoints you. He loves you with everything he has. People would kill for that, Jensen. People _have_ killed for that.”

Stephen walked closer, hands out of his pockets and waving in the air now. “But you---you're squandering it. Jared never sees you because you're always working. When's the last time you shared a meal? Went somewhere together? Had sex?” He snorted and shook his head. “You're lucky he's so fucking faithful, because I am not the only guy around who would love to tap that sweet ass. You must be hung like whoa--”

Jensen moved before he thought, his right fist flying out and cracking into Stephen's jaw. The shock of the impact ran down his arm, but he watched with grim satisfaction how Stephen grimaced and rubbed his jaw. “Shut the fuck up—you don't get to talk about us like that. You don't know about our private life.”

Stephen's hand still massaged his jaw. “Yeah, I do. Because Jared has shared it with me. Because he feels so alone, to say nothing of unsatisfied. So I do know. I think _you_ don't know how serious this...erosion is. You better get to work or I'm telling you—you are going to lose him. Either he's going to walk away, or someone is going to take him away.” He held up open, empty hands. “I'm just telling you the score, man. What you do with it is up to you.”

Jensen's anger ebbed as Stephen's words sank in, leaving an unsettling mixture of sadness, anxiety, and lingering ire, half of which was at himself. He stared at Stephen, noting the genuine concern and regret in his face, and the anger ebbed further. There was nothing to be gained by taking his frustration out on Stephen.

He needed to find Jared.

Without another word, Jensen left Stephen's, determined to find his boyfriend and try to make things right.

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/92414/92414_original.jpg)

Jared sat in the booth located farthest back in the coffee shop. A steaming cup of cinnamon vanilla sat before him, along with a plate holding an apple danish. He loved the danishes here; they had generous dollops of fruit filling in the middle, and fat drizzles of icing randomly draped over the flaky pastry. Right now, he couldn't even bring himself to take a bite, although he was able to sip the hot, flavorful coffee.

He'd walked and walked after leaving Stephen's. He'd even run a couple of times. He hadn't known where to go; returning to Stephen's had seemed unthinkable, and he certainly hadn't wanted to return home. Jared pondered the idea of 'home'. Could he return there? Was it even going to _be_ his home? Would Jensen kick him out after Jared had been unfaithful? Jared wrung his hands together. He felt un-moored and adrift.

Not being able to find his boxer briefs this morning had been a shock. Waking up naked had been even more of one. Jared remembered being seriously drunk last night, but how drunk did one have to be to not remember having sex?

Jared ducked into the men's room and did a quick self-exam. There were no marks that he could see—no bites or hickeys, no bruises of any kind. When he returned to his seat, he noted that his ass felt fine, no aching or tenderness. Clearly he hadn't been fucked at least. Maybe he had topped? Maybe they hadn't fucked, but just blown each other or jerked each other off? Not that it mattered--it was still sex, and he had still crossed a line.

_What do I tell Jensen?_ How _do I tell him?_ Jared sighed dejectedly. There were no good answers, nothing that was going to make everything okay again. And he had no one to blame but himself.

_Fuck fuck fuck. How did this happen? I love him. I love him so much._ Jared dropped his face into his hands, pressing on his eyes to try and keep the tears from falling. He was not going to add crybaby-wuss to the crimes he'd already amassed.

When he took his hands down, Jensen was standing next to the booth.

Jared's stomach churned, making him wish he hadn't had any coffee. He hoped he wasn't going to throw up. His mind raced, trying to find the words, the apologies, the--

Jensen reached out one hand to Jared and smiled...

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93025/93025_original.jpg)

The cooler fall air put Jared in the mood for Italian, so he'd decided on making lasagna for dinner. It was his first time making it outside of cooking class, but he was only a little nervous. He'd browned the meat, cut up the veggies, and pulled a jar of homemade sauce out of the freezer, so he wouldn't have to use commercial. Now he sprinkled shredded mozzarella thickly over the top of the lasagna. It was all ready to pop into the oven. He was simply waiting for Jensen to come home, so they'd have a little time together for a drink before dinner.

Cleaning the kitchen up, Jared smiled to himself. Discovering how much he enjoyed cooking had been a real surprise. It turned out that he was pretty good at it. He wasn't any five-star chef, but his food was well-made and tasty. He'd found the cooking class via Danneel, and he and Jensen had even made some non-work, non-campus friends there. Eating less take-out was far more enjoyable, and of course cost-effective, and now when they went out, it was a real treat to be savored.

The front door clicked, and Jensen called out, “Hey!” Jared slid the lasagna into the oven and set the timer before throwing his arms wide to hug his boyfriend. Jensen hugged him back, kissing him thoroughly until they were both a little breathless. “Hi, honey, I'm home,” smirked Jensen, and Jared smacked his ass.

“I'm not your little fifties' housewife,” Jared smirked back. “It's just my night to cook. There'll be enough for dinner tomorrow too, and then it's your turn.” 

Taking turns to cook had been one of the changes they'd made in their shared life, when they'd sat down to hash out their relationship issues. First, Jensen had told Jared that Jared had not slept with Stephen after all. Jared had collapsed in relief and self-recrimination and not a few tears, and Jensen had held him tightly. Then they had both collected themselves and faced the fact that things were in a bad way between them, and if they were going to make it, things had to change. Starting with spending more time together and taking joint responsibility for their home life.

Jensen's being home for dinner was another change. He might go in early, and there might be one or two days a week he would work a little late, but those days were planned ahead of time. The other days, Jensen made sure he was home to sit down with Jared and eat a meal together, where they could talk and share what was happening in their lives. On the weekends, Jensen might work still, but it was from his home office and not the office at Winchester Security.

In order to arrange his time at Winchester Security to allow this, Jensen had promoted Danneel. She was now an equal partner with Jensen and Misha. Jensen had also hired an assistant who had taken a lot of the more time-consuming, rote work off of both Jensen's and Misha's shoulders. Misha had questioned the expense of another salary at first, but Jensen was blunt about it, stating unequivocally that his life with Jared was important, and that he was not sacrificing it on the altar of work.

“Smells fantastic, babe,” said Jensen popping the cap off a beer. “How long until it's ready?”

“About an hour. I was able to study for a couple of hours before making it.” Jared got a beer for himself. “I have a paper to write still, but I'll be out of the library in time for our date.” He took a long sip of the cold beer. “Oh, and Stephen invited me to a party on campus Saturday. He really wants me to meet his new boyfriend. They've been going out two or three weeks now.”

Jensen sat at the table, sipping his beer. “What do you want to do?” he asked, his voice carefully neutral.

Jared shrugged. “I'm not that jazzed about it. Chad is coming and I'd rather wait and go to a party when he's here.” He grinned. “It was kind of funny thought—Stephen's really gone about this blonde girl--Emily, I think her name is. And he told me that he 'gets it now'...like, the whole relationship thing.”

“Ha! Well, good for him.” Jensen smiled and clinked his beer on Jared's. They'd agreed together that Jared should still go to parties and have fun like any college student...just not so frequently. And with Jensen home more, Jared felt less inclined to run off to parties as much anyway. He picked and chose them rather than hitting a couple every weekend.

Jensen reached out and ran his fingers over Jared's hand. “So, how long did you say for dinner, before it's ready?”

“Uh, about forty-five minutes now.” Jared slowly licked his lips, watching Jensen's eyes follow. “What were you thinking about doing, you know, to pass the time?”

Jensen stood up and pulled Jared up out of his chair, wrapping his arms around Jared's body and holding him close. “I thought maybe we could go fuck around some,” Jensen whispered in Jared's ear, gently biting his earlobe. Jared's cock woke up, fattening in his jeans as Jensen continued nibbling and kissing behind his ear and down his neck.

“Yeah...I think that sounds great.” Jared caught one of Jensen's hands and moved it to his groin. “See? It's unanimous.”

“Then come on, darlin', we got way too many clothes on!” Jensen slapped Jared's ass and, with a cackle and a shit-eating grin, raced out of the kitchen.

“No fair!” yelled Jared, scrabbling at his shirt buttons as he ran after Jensen. “I'm topping this time, you booger!”

[ ](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/firesign10/4507356/93899/93899_original.jpg)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for Fallacies of Love by firesign10](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731629) by [millygal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal)




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